Code Blue

~ Chapter 23 ~

I tried to fight the giant smile wanting to creep on my face. I didn't want to be over happy, but the words she was saying were very reassuring. It felt nice to hear good things about myself and my surgical career because it was so rare. It came at a perfect time too. After the month that I've had here, I wouldn't say it's been easy, and it's made me doubt myself tremendously. Giving up never seemed to be an option to me after how hard I worked to be here and the sacrifices that I've made, but Harry was enough to drive me towards that. It wasn't thoughts that I was proud of, but it's true.

So hearing my fellow attending's have nice things to say about my performance was a boost.

"Thank you. I appreciate that" I answered.

"Of course" Now her smile faltered slightly. "I did want to talk about Dr. Styles however"

I bit my bottom lip. Of course it was going to come up if we were talking about my time here. After all, I've been kicked off his service not once, but twice, and I doubt any other intern has been removed from a specialty this early on. Add in his personal vendetta against me, and it was a solid case...

"O-okay" I stammered, and I cursed myself internally for it.

"Without saying too much, there was a difference in comments pertaining your performance. I heard his side, I would like to hear yours" She folded her hands on her desk, looking at me intently. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, unsure of what to say. "Dr. Monroe, because I have faith in you, I do ask that you recognize that I am weighing your positive comments over this, however, I am curious because of the two incidents that got you removed from his service"

"Yes ma'am" I swallowed, trying to remove the dryness from my throat. I did note that she was basically saying Harry's negative comments meant less to her than all of the others, but it was still difficult to sit here and state my case. I didn't want to say anything that could tip him off in some way, after all, i'm sure the chief does have more obligation to her attending's rather than an intern that has been here a month. "If I'm being honest, I really don't know how to explain my time on his service. Like I have every day, I show up and do my job to the best of my ability. I am eager to learn and absorb all of it, I have just found it difficult to do that while working pediatrics"

"You mean with Dr. Styles" She corrected, and my face flushed red. "You did great work on pediatrics with Dr. Plack"

"I-" I dropped my shoulders. Obviously my problem is with Harry, but there's no professional way to explain that to her. "Yes ma'am"

"I understand his rotation is...unconventional and different compared to your rest. I have heard for years about the way he teaches, so I understand. The reason I continue to have him as a teacher, is because there is more to learn in surgery than how to cut. It seems absurd, I know, but Dr. Styles is phenomenal in showing what being a surgeon is really about"

I listened to her explanation, and because she's the Chief, I guess I could recognize what she is trying to say. Surgery is about cutting into people, but it's not what the heart of surgery is about. Yes, you need to be knowledgeable and fast, but you also need to be empathetic, compassionate, understanding, because these are people's lives.

It does seem crazy that Harry of all people is the one who teaches that lesson, but I hate to admit that it makes sense. Out of all the surgeons that I've witnessed here, who have all been great, Harry is the one who really connects. The parents could be a little better, but Harry knows how to make his patients feel safe. It's what I've seen with my own eyes.

No other doctor here has been the only person to console a crying girl, get an IV stuck in their arm to reassure a kid, watch princess movies, talk about any and every interest the kids have, take kids to the gallery, do pro bono surgeries, stick up for their patient no matter what. If Harry wasn't Harry, it would be so admirable.