I'm smiling as I stand next to Martina, despite the looming challenge ahead. I'm not sure if it was the sudden, recent closeness with Axel and all of our workouts, or the fact I have more confidence now than I had in the last four years combined.
"Okay, girls!" Cheryl calls, walking to the center of the gym. Today she's decked out in mint-green leggings and a matching sports bra with light gray sneakers. Her workout clothes are always so coordinated, consistently making my all black and white attire look so banal.
"Welcome to your second team challenge!" she announces, clapping her hands enthusiastically. "Today we will be doing two different activities, only this time you'll be competing against another team. Teams A and B will go with Cindy outside, C and D will stay here. Disperse!"
I stay in my comfortable position, thankful I'm in team D. I look around for team C and see Adriana, Natalie, Joanna, and Alina walking over to us with unamused expressions. I twirl a strand of hair around my finger and shoot Adriana a smug look.
"For the first activity, you will have to climb up this rope. You should have learned the technique by now, but if not, remember to lower yourself hand by hand to prevent rope burn. You will go head to head with another person and if you earn a faster time, more points will be added to your additional score which can increase your rank. You're all working for that number one spot, but remember this is a team challenge so you want to win together. Adriana, Willow, you're up first."
I stand back and watch as they walk to the two ropes and each clasp their hands around one of them. Adriana is evidently nervous while Willow attempts poise and confidence.
"Three, two, one, go!" Cheryl calls and they shuffle up their ropes, their arms straining to pull themselves upwards. Willow is feet ahead of Adriana, her face scrunched up in focus, and the strain in her arm muscles visible.
As I watch them, a memory resurfaces of when we had to attempt this same activity in gym class. I remember walking up to the rope and seeing Willow and a few of her friends in the corner snickering at me and whispering to each other. Their laughs and remarks always seemed worse in gym class.
Droplets of sweat slid down the sides of my forehead as I shakily ascended. I tried with all my upper body strength to go higher, but instead I felt my grip falter. Soon enough I couldn't hold on any longer and fell onto the mat, slamming my back against the surface.
As I tried to get up, Willow stood in front of me and, smiling, and exclaimed for everyone to hear: "Aw, I'm surprised the rope didn't break on you. It's your lucky day, Whitney!"
I snap out of my flashback and realize Adriana and Willow have already made their way down and Martina is nudging my arm with her elbow, beckoning me to go. Willow walks by and gives me a "friendly" smile, but I ignore it and walk to the rope.
"Alright, ready, set, go!" Cheryl calls for us to commence, and I look over and see Joanna extend her long spindly arms. I focus on myself and begin to pull myself upwards, replaying that scene in high school over and over.
It can't happen again. It can't happen again. It can't happen again.
As I make it halfway to the top, I look downwards and see Axel through one of the exit doors walking by. He gives me a small smile of encouragement. I haul myself even farther and hit the top; as I descend, he disappears from my sight.
"Nice job, Whitney!" Cheryl calls cheerfully, holding up her hand to give me a high five. As I do, I see Willow burn holes into the floor of the gym. I keep my distance as the rest of the girls take their turns and complete the activity.
"The second challenge will be the most physical and mental one you've had yet," Cheryl says when everyone is done with the rope challenge. "If you look to your left and right, you will find a series of bars. Each of you will grab onto one of them and proceed to hang on it. The person who lasts the longest will be declared winner of this round and have the choice to do whatever she desires instead of an evening workout session. Good luck!"
The steel bars seem more like death traps as I walk towards them. I haven't been on the monkey bars since I was ten, so I don't know what my arm-hanging strength equates to. I glance at the bar and step under it, seeing the other girls on my team do the same.
"Clock starts in six, five, four—" I drown out Cheryl's voice and focus on the task. I send a mini prayer to God that my arms won't fall off. That's impossible, right?
"Go!"
I jump up and grasp the bar, feeling the metal bite down on my soft palms. Martina seems relaxed as she holds on, and Willow is staring off into the distance, intrigued in something I can't see.
"Thirty seconds!" I internally groan as I hear Cheryl's voice because my arms are already aching. I bite down on the inside of my cheek and force myself to forget about the pain and keep going.
I notice Martina's grip beginning to loosen. Aspen, on the other side of her, already fell down a few seconds ago, looking like she was about to cry. In seconds, Martina falls too and gives me a hopeful smile.
"Two minutes in and two are already down. Keep going, Whitney and Willow!" Cheryl's words aren't much solace to my hurting arms but the prospect of Willow beating me lingers in the front of my mind.
"You tired yet?" I ask Willow, looking over at her.
"No. You?"
"Nope."
I grumble to myself and adjust my grip. Willow's hands are shaking and my shoulders have that familiar ache burning through them.
"I give up!" Willow calls and lets go, falling to the ground in a squat, leaving me the last one up there.
"You're the winner, Whitney!" Cheryl calls. I don't smile as I jump down, wiping my sweaty palms on the backs of leggings.
I thought finally winning against Willow would make me feel happy.
Instead, all I have are two aching hands.
***
"Didn't you say you were terrible at exercise?" Martina asks as we sit outside on the benches, sipping from large glasses of iced tea. It feels good after a long day of draining exercise. "You won the challenge today."
I shrug, swirling my straw around the ice. "I guess I improved a little? I don't know; I still don't think I'm very good."
"Stop being so modest." She stretches out her legs and props them up on the table in front of us, letting out a sigh.
"Martina," I say. "Can you tell me a little more about you and your sister? Like your relationship. I'm kind of curious."
She chuckles, putting down her now empty glass. "Adriana is a little crazy. But then again, so is everyone she hangs out with. Basically, she's everything I'm not: a drama queen and a serious girly-girl. But then again, she is my sister, and I still love her...occasionally."
I think about my own sister, and the gap that formed in our relationship when she went off to college when I was fourteen. It wasn't such a big deal, in theory, but after she left she rarely came back. I needed her the most during that period of my life, and there was nothing I could have done to bring her back more often.
"Do you have a sister?" Martina asks me. I look up and nod.
"Yeah, she's four years older. I love her, but I wish we were even closer."
"Is it because of the age gap? I guess that's normal."
I don't shake my head and tell her no. But I know the reason why our relationship was strained. It might all go back to my mother. "Yeah, I suppose. Anyway, I've been meaning to ask. How's Austin lately?"
"He's cute and nice but also pretty strict. But to be honest, he's not my type," she replies quickly. "How's Axel?"
I look down and purse my lips, feeling my cheeks warm a bit. "He's cool. There's not much to say."
"Liar, liar," she says. "I've seen him before. He's so hot."
I roll my eyes. "Once again life isn't all about hotness."
"I'm assuming you have never had a boyfriend, right?"
"Excuse me, yes I have," I retort, although in theory, that relationship didn't entirely count.
"Tell me more then," Martina demands.
"I have nothing to tell," I answer, looking down at my phone. "Hey look it's nearly eight. You should be getting to your workout, and I have to go chase my freedom."
She groans. "Don't be such a killjoy, Whitney."
"It's my pleasure," I answer with a wink, heading off.
I know I don't have to work out tonight since I won the challenge earlier, but today isn't like a few days ago where all I wanted was to curl up in a ball and sleep. I have been meaning to ask Axel something about the team challenges. I roam the camp on my own, eyeing the accumulating clouds above and their dark gray color. I look over to my left and see Natalie talking with Adriana and Willow.
What is she doing with them?
After some time looking around, I find Axel off in the distance, sitting on the ground against the wall of the trainer dorm on his phone. I walk over to him slowly and stand in front of him, hoping I'm not disrupting his brooding session.
"Whitney?" he questions, and I shift awkwardly. "You know we don't have a session this evening."
"I know," I say. "I just wanted to ask you about something."
He nods. "I guess I should congratulate you on winning the team challenge first. You've improved."
"Yeah..." I trail off and sit on the grass. The sky grows increasingly darker and the air more humid; it could rain at any time. "I should thank you for the improvement."
"I'm just doing my job," he answers. "You're doing a pretty okay job at yours."
"It must be impossible for you to give a degree of a compliment above 'okay.'"
"I don't give out compliments often, or else they won't mean anything," he answers, allergic to simple kindness. Large droplets of rain begin falling lightly from the sky, and in seconds, they transform into harsh, continuous torrents. Axel jumps up to his feet and so do I.
"Follow me," Axel says, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the building behind us. It looks like our dorm building, only more spacious.
He opens a door down a hall, and it reveals an organized room with a mostly dark blue interior, aside from the white walls. There's a large shelf full of a variety of awards, some pictures and a desk with a few stacks of papers.
"So this is where you live when you're here?" I ask him.
"Pretty much," he answers, closing the door to conceal our voices to the outside.
I nod, looking around. "You're very neat. It's sort of refreshing."
He walks a little deeper into the room and leans against his desk. "I can't function if my living space is more cluttered than my mind. Look around if you want to. I don't really care."
I walk over to the shelf full of objects and focus on a trophy of a boxing glove. "Axel Chandler—State Junior Boxing Champion."
I glance up at the shelf again, and in the third row I see a black picture frame with a photo of a man inside. Axel is silent when he notices my eyes are set on it. The man in the photo is tall, like Axel, and has dark brown hair and light brown eyes. The resemblance between the two is striking.
I try to look away. I don't want to pry.
"That was my father if you were wondering," he says quietly, grabbing the photo from the shelf. He holds the picture in his hands and brushes his fingers over the surface.
"You look so much alike," I tell him. "It's amazing."
"People would say that to me, even when I was five years old. I used to laugh because I didn't see it. I thought resemblance was just about eye color."
Our eyes meet, and he puts down the photo. There's a minute of silence between us, each staring at the other. The light rain a few minutes ago is pounding outside, pelleting against the windows.
Axel leans his face closer and my eyes widen for a moment. Almost instinctively, I lean closer until our faces are millimeters away. But in that moment, light flashes outside and a clap of thunder booms, almost shaking the floor of the room. I yelp and fall forward into Axel, who grabs my arms before I trip onto my face.
"O-oh my god," I stammer, still breathing hard from the sudden scare. Another flash of lightning strikes and a clap of thunder blares outside. The rain pounds harder with the wind against the window to our right. It's like we're caught in a surprise mini tropical storm.
"It's just thunder; don't freak out, Whitney." Axel leads me away from the window, and I sit on a bean bag on the ground, curling my knees up to my chest. I've never been a fan of thunder, probably since the time I was stranded outside in a storm as child, lost in a park with no way of knowing how to get home. Luckily my sister found me before I completely went hysterical.
"Easy for you to say," I remark. "Thunderstorms scare the hell out of me."
More lightning flashes outside and with that the lights flicker. In seconds the room grows dim.
Axel glances at me. "Whitney, I think we're stuck in here."