"Ugh! Stupid god damned bookshelf. Useful for fucking nothing!" I screamed as I continued to force a book back into the middle of a shelf that was neatly lined with books. I stood further on my tip toes and and just when I finally thought I had the book placed carefully, about ten more came toppling down.
"Oh for fuck sakes!" I screamed, kicking at the old wooden bookshelf that had been in my room more many years, holding all my beloved books. I had never been so angry at it before but right now it was doing my bloody head in. I shrieked in a sort of shock/pain as a hard covered book fell on my foot.
"Heather?" Harry yelled out from the distance.
I screamed again as more books came falling on top of me like some book avalanche and within seconds Harry was at the door. "Heather? What the hell?"
"It's this fucking bookshelf!" I screamed, struggling to back away from the falling books. "Why is it even here? It's stupid! It doesn't even bloody hold books! What the hell? I hate this thing! HARRY!"
The books stopped falling and I turned around to see Harry covering his mouth, stifling laughter.
"Are you laughing at me?" I snapped.
Harry pulled a straight face. "Of course not, babe."
Another book fell on my head and I screamed before pushing my bookshelf against the wall several times, screaming horrible words at it. "You stupid, stupid thing!" I yelled.
"Heather!" Harry yelled, his voice high as he tried not to laugh. He rushed over to my side and pulled my arms away from the bookshelf and turned my body towards him. "It's okay." He laughed. "Calm down."
Then, I started crying. "I broke it."
"What?"
"I broke the bookshelf!" I screamed.
Harry couldn't stop laughing. "Yeah, that's because you were banging it against the wall two seconds ago."
"So you're blaming it on me?"
"What?"
"This is all my fault. That's what you're saying." I cried, pushing away from him.
"Heather, what the hell is wrong with you?"
"Oh, now there's something wrong with me?" I accused.
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before lightly laughing. "I love you. I love you so much that it's insane."
I just looked at him and even in my very emotional, messed up state that I was in right now, it baffled me as to how he could say something like that. I had random emotional outbursts a lot and I knew that I was overreacting as I screamed at Harry for eating the last cookie or fighting the bookshelf, but I couldn't control myself. I was taking pills that were supposed to help but I guess that was just another addition to the whole pregnancy problem.
"I'm sorry." I said, shaking my head.
Harry smiled and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing me lightly on the forehead. "Don't be."
I sighed. "I'm so ready to just have this baby. I'm sick of all this lead up."
Harry stroked my hair like I was some frightened pet. "Five more months!"
I groaned and pulled away from him. "Harry, are we doing okay?"
He studied me. "Why do you ask?"
I sat down on my usual reading chair and sighed. "I don't know. I just.....I hate to think that we're struggling. I mean, are we?"
Harry shoved his hands in his pockets. "I think we're doing okay. We're happy, right?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I am. I'm happy." I said. "But, I don't know, Harry."
Harry sighed. "What do you mean?"
"Well, it's just going to get harder." I told him. "And.....I'm just worried that everything won't always be okay."
"Heather, you're not making any sense here."
I looked down at the floor, then slowly back at Harry. "I...I think we should take a break." I said. "From each other."
Harry's eyes grew wide. "T-Take a break? Take a break? Heather, are you kidding me?"
I stood up. "Look, it'll just be for a little while! I just need some time to think-"
"About what?!" He screamed.
"About this!" I yelled back, waving my arms around. "All of this! The baby, us, the future. Everything!"
Harry just looked at me, his mouth hanging open. "I can't believe this."
"Harry, just understand this from my point of view here. I have nothing figured out at the moment and soon, I'm going to need to. And I don't want to bring you into all of this. I-I just think it would be better if we gave each other some space."
Harry shook his head. "What ever happened to us doing this together? Deciding everything together? I promised you we'd do it all together!"
"I know that, but I need to sort out some things for myself." I reasoned.
"Like what? Whether or not you keep the baby?"
"No! Harry, why are you making this so hard?" I cried.
"Why am I making it so hard? You're the one breaking up with me!" Harry yelled.
"I'm not breaking up with you! Is it so wrong just to ask for some time alone?"
"Yes, Heather. Yes it is because everything you do now is for that baby as well. And that baby is mine."
"I'm not running away!"
"No. I won't let you." Harry snapped. "I won't let you 'take some space'."
"Harry, you're being ridiculous." I sighed.
"No, Heather, you are. If you walk out on us now then don't even bother coming back." Harry said firmly.
I gasped in slight shock. "What? Are you-"
"I'm saying that you can't just choose when you don't want to involve me with things. If you leave now, you leave forever."
"Harry."
"I can't believe you would even suggest something so rude as that." Harry said, his voice getting slightly thicker.
I just looked at him, my blue eyes mixing in with his green. "I can't believe you won't even let me be alone for a few days. I can't believe you don't trust me."
"No, Heather, I trust you. And that's the problem. I trust you too much." Harry said.
I shook my head and pushed past him. I entered our small bedroom and took out a suitcase from my wardrobe before stuffing things into it. Harry appeared by my side as I furiously packed clothes and unpacked them. I smacked my baggy blue jumper onto the bed with such force it made a cracking sound, even though it was just wool hitting fabric.
"Piss off!" I screamed at him.
"I'm not letting you do this!" Harry cried, tipping my suitcase over and emptying out all the contents.
I ran to my wardrobe and grabbed all the clothes I had that were hanging up and held them all in a bunch before running back to the suitcase on the bed, pushing past Harry. I zipped around the room grabbing everything that was rightfully mine as Harry just stood watching me with an evil scowl.
"Don't do this, Heather." He said as I chucked my make up bag into my large tote bag.
I ignored him, completely mad at him for thinking he has such control over me. If I want to leave for a few days, have a small holiday, I will. No one can stop me. And certainly not Harry.
I grabbed my pillow and bags and stormed out of the room as Harry chased after me. I marched down the hallway towards the front door, stuffing my feet into my black ballet flats.
"Why are you doing this?!" Harry yelled.
I looked up at him. "You don't tell me what I can or cannot do and you certainly don't stop me from doing something I need to do."
"This is bullshit!" Harry cried. "You walk out that door, Heather, and you be prepared to never come back. You walk out now and that's it. We're done!"
I hesitated, the words slightly taking me aback. I then swung open the front door and stepped outside.
"Heather!" Harry yelled at me. "This is your last chance!"
Without another second's thought, I slammed the door shut behind me before marching down our skinny driveway and ripping open the back door of my very old car that I had only just managed to afford last month. Harry had taught me how to drive and I had been doing it successfully for a month and a half now. I got into the driver's seat and just sat there as I breathed in and out heavily.
Sure Harry and I fought, but never anything like this. Maybe half of it was due to my very emotional state, but something also told me it was serious. We were actually over.
I wiped my eyes, which were becoming a bit wet and stingy, and started the car before pulling out and driving along. After a twenty or so minute drive, I arrived outside a large white house and got out and knocked on the door.
"Heather?" Mum asked me as she held open the door. "Is everything alright? You look very upset."
Without warning, I burst into tears. "It's over, mum! We're over! It's done!" I choked out.
Mum immediately reached forward to hug me, rubbing my back soothingly. "Oh, honey, what is? What's wrong?"
"Harry! We've had a fight, him and I. And....and, mum, we're over!"
"What?!"
"He told me that if I walked out the door, I could never come back. And I walked out the door. I walked out the door!" I sobbed.
"Oh, I'm sure everything's going to be fine. It's normal for couples to fight." Mum soothed, pulling me inside.
I pulled away from her and wiped my eyes before shaking my head. "No, we've never fought like this before." I said, taking a very shaky breath. "We're over."
"Oh, Heather." Mum said, pulling me back into her chest. "It'll be okay. You and Harry will get through this."
"But we won't!" I cried. "You don't understand. He broke his promise." My mind started racing as I came to the realisation of everything. Harry broke his promise. he promised to always be there and he broke that promise.
And I guess he was lying when he said that everything would be okay, too.
---
It had been a week since Harry and I had fought. A few times, Harry and I had spoken, but we only ended up fighting. I think several times he came over to try and fix them, but after the fifth fight we had that just ended up screaming bloody murder at each other, Harry hadn't come back. I was full of lots of mixed emotions. I was sad, and angry, and confused and lonely. Very lonely. I had moved back into my room, my furniture from the house had been delivered, and mum was helping out in every way she could. I struggled to do most simple things now. I couldn't do chores and I found it very difficult to even shower every day as I strangely felt myself grow weaker and weaker.
I didn't know what Harry was doing, but I missed him. I wanted to know if he was still living in our house, or if he thought about me at all. I thought I would have been more upset, but somehow I knew we weren't fully over. It felt like we were, but I knew something was still there. Like we were hanging on just one piece of string, ready to break, but we were still behind held up. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say. And whenever I tried to explain myself, he would get the wrong idea, or not understand at all, and we'd end up yelling at one another until we both walked away furious.
We didn't use to be like this, I recalled. We never used to fight and never used to yell and have time apart from one another. The baby was changing us. The growing up too fast and moving in together was changing us. We weren't the same people anymore and I hated that. I wished I could just go back to the time where Harry and I were just friends. Where we both liked each other but didn't say anything due to fear of rejection. I missed the times where we laughed and talked about anything and everything and I missed all the times we'd look at each other then quickly look away, our cheeks turning pink.
I missed Harry, but the old Harry. And I missed how I used to be with him. But I guess that was what the shitty thing about life was; everything changes before you even have time to take everything in.
"Heather, I'm going out tonight with Phil." Mum said, entering my room to find me lying on my bed and staring at my ceiling aimlessly. "Will you be okay?"
"Yeah." I grunted.
She sighed. "Okay, call me if you need me." She said, coming over and pecking my forehead like Harry used to. I closed my eyes, trying to block the memories out. "I love you, honey."
"Love you too." I responded.
Mum smiled and left the room as I stayed still. I turned my head to the side and imagined Harry lying there, watching TV with me like we did for quite some time. I could almost feel his arms around me and his kisses on my lips and forehead and I tried to shoo all the memories and feelings away but they kept hitting me like bricks. And somehow I found myself sitting at some fancy nightclub, asking for my third glass of alcohol.