I slowly open my eyes feeling his hot breath fan my face, when my eyes finally adjust to the dark room Ace is still sound of sleep with his arm wrapped around my waist.
He's perfect, I wish he would realise that him ignoring me is harder for me, I don't want things to change.
I peck his parted mouth lightly before turning over and holding his arm around my waist, I bring it up to my chest snuggling in more. It feels amazing having alone time, it feels amazing to be finally sleeping beside him again. It feels amazing to sleep.
"Cam" his low raspy voice says.
I turn back around seeing his tired eyes on me, "What you doing?" He clears his throat and pulls his arm from out underneath me before sitting up leaning on his elbow, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine" i smile.
"You should go back to bed"
"Why?"
"Because the couch isn't comfortable"
"Then come to bed with me?" I suggest, I hope he does.
He shakes his head, "I'm good on the couch"
"But you said it isn't comfortable"
He doesn't want to, of course he doesn't.
We stare at each other for a few seconds longer before I've finally had enough of silence "Fine" I scoff and stand up.
"Goodnight" his tired voice says.
I turn looking down at him I inhale a deep breath, "Yeah whatever" I turn to walk away.
His fingers wrap around my wrist "What?" He says looking up at me, "Are you annoyed with me?"
"Not one bit" I sarcastically say.
"What's wrong?" He sighs.
"You"
"What did I do?" He says sitting up and the blanket falls off his body.
How does he not know?
"You don't even want to touch me Ace"
"That's not true"
"Bullshit!" I raise my voice, ever since he found out what happened he's been distancing himself from me and it's really starting to piss me off and upset me. He's suppose to be my boyfriend.
He sighs, "I'm not in the mood for your attitude Cam"
"So I've heard. If you're not in the mood for it maybe you should..." I trail off staring at him, his eyes burning through mine waiting for me to finish my sentence.
"Go on..finish it" he stands up in front of me.
"All you've done is avoid me, you have hardly been able to look at me, touch me, it's like the fucking start of our relationship, you couldn't even kiss me"
"That isn't true"
"Really? Where has your affection been for the past two days!? No where because you're fucking afraid to touch me, which is only making me feel worse by the way, you avoiding me saying you're giving me space or using Ash as an excuse is pretty pathetic if you ask me, I'd rather nothing changed and you showed me affection because you're only just pushing me away! You have no idea how it makes me feel, not anyone can say what I need and what I don't need to do and people should stop thinking what's best for me, I just need you not to change around me because of what happened!"
"Are you done?" His tone clipped.
When I don't say anything he continues, "Go to sleep" he says and falls back into the couch.
That's it?
"No"
"You're so fucking stubborn"
"You're a pussy"
He sighs, "What you're annoyed at me because i won't fucking touch you?"
"I'm annoyed because you're avoiding me and are not showing me affection like you normally would, normally you'd sneak in when Asher is asleep or when he isn't home but you didn't, why?" He can't deny it, he's barely spoke, touched or looked at me. This is the most I've gotten out of him.
"Im not showing you affection like I normally would" he mocks.
"Yes"
"So what? You want me to fuck you and kiss you despite what happened?"
"Yes, like nothing has changed...I'm not a broken record Ace"
"I can't do that" he looks away from me and down at his hands on his lap.
"Yes you can" I straddle him moving his hands to my hips, he stands up placing me back onto my feet.
"No..I can't"
"You can"
"No I fucking can't Camila!" He shouts, I flinch at the sudden loudness.
"Why?" My voice all of a sudden soft.
"Because it makes my skin crawl knowing that someone has touched you in that way, forced themselves..on you, it makes me sick" he gulps, "I just can't"
"So..what? You're never going to touch me again?"
He doesn't say anything, I know he's in deep thought as he stares at me intensely.
"We have only today and then you are gone, I won't see you for at least a year or more and..you can't even give me a goodbye kiss?"
He shakes his head, i feel my shoulders drop as my anger turns into sadness.
"What are we doing then?" I feel my lip quiver.
"What?" He looks up at me.
"If you can't touch me, then what the fuck is the point?"
He shrugs, "I don't know"
"So that's it? You want to end it?" This wasn't just about what happened is it, he's fallen out of love with me hasn't he or maybe he never really loved me?
That is probably the reason why he doesn't want to touch me, It was only a matter of time right? There was no way he'd keep up this I love you bullshit apparently he's loved me for years, I'm guessing that was a lie.
I really am a broken record.
"What?" His voice cracks, "I didn't say that" he shakes his head.
He doesn't love you, he doesn't love you. It keeps playing in my head like the damn broken record I am, it's playing tricks on me. It's like I didn't deserve the love right? This is more punishment, make me fall head over heels in love like I've never experience just to have it shattered. Make me express the feeling of love to open up about that love..to have it shattered and of course to someone I'll be seeing the rest of my life.
"Camila, please don't do this to me again. I didn't say that" his croaky voice snaps me from my thoughts, my heartbreaking thoughts.
"You mean it though"
"Mean what? I didn't say anything" he stands up cupping my cheeks.
I lean into his hand and close my eyes, "You never loved me" my voice high pitched as I feel myself beginning to breakdown.
Ace's POV
"What! No I do, I've always loved you, aways will" both my hands hold her face as my thumbs swipe back and forth.
She open her eyes slowly, them glistening with tears, "Ace"
"Yeah baby" my voice soft.
She pushes hard on my chest and I stumble back confused, "Fuck you!" She shouts.
What just happened? What did I do?
"What!" I shout running his hands through his messy hair.
Tears are now steaming down her face as she looks at me full of sadness, what did I do? What did I say?
I swallow the lump in my throat as I look towards her unsure what to do or say. She is kind of scaring me, I want to know what's going through her head.
"Ace" she cries.
What is going on?
"What?" I gulp.
"I hate you!" she drops to the floor, she's said this to me while I told Asher about what happened on the phone.
I kneel down wrapping her in my arms tightly, she pushes on my chest trying to get out my hold. I still have no idea what is going on. I can feel my stomach churning, fluttering listening to her cry loud against my chest. I just don't know what to do.
"You don't love me! This is punishment"
What no!
"I love you" I say against her hair as my body begins to rock us back and forth.
"I can't live like this, it hurts too much!"
"Shh" I rub the back of her head.
What does?
She pushes against my chest slowly out of my hold, her hands wrap around the back of my neck pulling me to her, her lips smashing against mine. The kiss sloppy, her tears is all I can taste.
I pull away leaning my forehead against hers, "Please" she sniffles.
"I can't" I shake my head.
She whimpers, "Then come lay in bed with me..please, one last time" I nod against her forehead, as much as I don't want to it breaks my heart to reject her again.
I stand up pulling her up with me, I lift her into me arms and she wraps her legs around me waist. I can hear her calming her breathing down as I carry her to the bedroom.
"All I want to do is be around you Ace" she whispers.
"I know" I whisper back and lay her on the bed, I crawl in beside her pulling her to me. She lays on my shoulder wrapping her arm around my chest and lifting her legs across my waist snuggling into me.
"I love you..too much" she sadly remarks holding my body tighter as if I were going somewhere.
I am.
It scared me when she pushed on my chest, I still have no idea what happened and why she did that. Is she okay? Did me avoiding her really make it worse? I want to know what's going on inside that beautiful head of hers.
I was shocked when I felt her kiss my lips when I was sleeping at first I thought it was a dream, when she turned over I knew it was her, I could smell her making me fully aware she was beside me.
We have only today left and then I'm gone, she is right. I should be showering her with love and affection but knowing what happened is stopping me and makes me think maybe it's best for me to go.
__________________________________
Thoughts on Camila at the moment?
Sorry guys for not updating for two days it's all been crazy here😴
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