Posted August 22, 2020
for The Wattys 2020
I think I regretted slipping into Blake's office and being caught.
have after having waited all day for him to have to leave it, and seeing him finally do, I couldn't stop myself from going in. I need at him leaving it a little open meant that he was coming back soon but I couldn't stop myself I had to look inside.
I promised myself I would be quick.
I don't think I was quick enough.
because I had just started looking around at his paperwork, his book, his email - he left everything open where everybody could see almost as if he didn't believe somebody would dare to go inside.
I dared. And I didn't learn his real name. everything contained only Blake Roland.
it had been about 5 minutes. I was looking at his paperwork around the window when I heard his voice.
I tried not to jump But I can't promise I didn't.
"my parents were liars and hypocrites."
I turned around slowly. where was he going with this ?
"they pretended to love each other. and they pretended to love me. or maybe they did. but it was so wicked and wrong I never felt loved. Angered, yes . hurt, yes ."
he paused.
"do you hear me ?"
"yes. I wasn't doing anything wrong I was wait-"
"that's why I always tell the truth. I don't like hypocrites and liars."
"do you hear me ?"
have his office was rectangular, with the window in the face of the door. his desk was in front of me. and he was barking my only way out.
was he doubting anything ? what was he going to do to me ?
I didn't want to make him angry, because somehow I knew that him lashing out it would be 1000 times worse than anything I had ever seen with the other people he had been angry at .
"I was looking at the window." have I said fast, gauging is reaction.
"My parents were sick in the head. they didn't know how to love and didn't even know how to realize it. which resulted in me. I'm not a liar and a hypocrite. Are you?"
I shook my head, trying not to do anything that might trigger him.
"That kind of relationship results in a very unstable person. but I'm not a liar and hypocrite I tell the truth no matter how hard it is for you. I would rather be frank than a liar and a hypocrite."
I don't know why he kept talking about his family. it almost felt like he was somewhere else. and with the dim lighting, and him rambling about something that I didn't know where he was going with, my nerves were racking up. I had no way of defending myself have or protecting it. and if something even happened to me, I had no way of being tracked or known where I was.
the only reason I knew was really in the moment, is because his gaze was intense on mine, almost like he was trying to read me. did he get the same reading body language training that my father gave me ?
this is what being hurt by people that supposedly like you does to you.
He states have silent for long seconds, looking into my eyes or looking but thinking of something else.
"I have to talk to you."
I knew it was the break it or lose it seconds. I ether convinced him I came looking for him or I didn't.
What if he saw me waiting outside all that time and did it on purpose.what if I hadn't been out of camera range like I thought.
I automatically dismissed the thought.
I wasn't going to think about that.
When he opened his mouth, I froze.
That's it, I thought. That was my fate with him.
He smiled.
I thought it was a good sign. I thought I convinced him.
I didn't.
"you can leave my office now. I don't want to see you anymore. you can leave now."
My heart froze. I tried to walk confidently out, but I was scared to pass right beside him. What if he hit me? I wouldn't put it past him. He didn't budge.
He stayed put like a stick. And even when I walked down the hallway to the stairs, he didn't close the door. He turned around and watched me go.
What did he mean? Was I kicked out?
I guess I would know tomorrow because I wasn't going away without a fight.
I needed his name.