My Stupid Wife Caught Me Eating Glass So We Cheated on Each Other

Here's an excerpt from the award-winning story, described as "malicious in nature" and "life-altering in all the most inconvenient ways possible": 'Work was hard today. My coworkers always act nice, but when lunch break comes they always dump water on me and call me PissBoy. This happens every day and nothing ever gets done. I'm starting to feel like maybe.. Just maybe.. No. My thoughts can't go that way. I just need a nice refreshing pile of glass to put my weary mind at ease. It's unconventional. I know. But it makes me feel.. Not like PissBoy.' Jeighn (pronounced 'John') is living the American dream. Stable office job, slightly stupid wife, unnamed and unrequited feelings for his hot boss, a white picket fence, a purple philosopher dog, and a diet consisting strictly of glass. But that last part's a secret. Want to know more? I'm surprised. But if you do, you know where to find me. (THIS WHOLE THING IS A JOKE.) (Maybe.)

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My Stupid Wife Caught Me Eating Glass So We Cheated on Each Other