Not good for you

49;

I packed my things in silence, concentrating on folding my clothes before placing them in my suitcase. A bitter taste lingered in my mouth—not just from returning home but also from how everything had ended. The more I thought about it, the stronger my desire grew to leave this house. I recalled painful memories whenever I gazed at the bright walls that had been my summer refuge.

I remembered Clara confronting me angrily, Seeley coming home after Clara had hurt him, and the deep betrayal I inflicted on Leigh.

As I chewed on my secret relationship with Seeley, I questioned whether it had been worth it. Was keeping secrets from my best friend, my partner in crime, worth it for someone who was both the best and the worst person in my life? Though I couldn't answer that, I felt deep down that it was likely a decisive no.

If only I had had the courage to speak up when Leigh admitted her feelings, we wouldn't be on the edge of walking away from each other for good.

I should have approached everything with greater maturity and responsibility, and then maybe Leigh wouldn't hate me that much. Although Leigh was angry and resentful toward me, I still held hope that we might someday repair our relationship.

She could be annoying and jealous whenever I mentioned other friends, but her intentions were always good. She had every right to feel hurt when she found out that I had been lying to her.

After all, she had never lied to me. I was one of the first to learn about her newfound feelings for Seeley. I often wondered if she still had those feelings after the humiliation he caused her that night. While I was furious at Seeley for lacking empathy towards Leigh, our friend of many years, I also remembered that the events he'd experienced had pushed him into a dark place.

When Leigh entered the room to grab her bags and tidy her bed, our eyes met briefly before she turned away as if I didn't exist. It hurt to see her ignoring me, but the time I spent away from her influence made me realize that sometimes people aren't meant to be lifelong friends, and that's perfectly acceptable.

We must live in the present, not the future, regardless of how much we wish to stay in touch after graduation. It's astonishing how we began this summer filled with laughter and joy, only to have it end in tears and pain.

"Thank you for this summer," I said, even though I knew she didn't want to talk to me.

"I can't tell you the same, unfortunately," she mumbled, and I turned around. She was facing the wall, trying to control her emotions and breathing.

"I know I've said this already, but I'm really sorry about everything."

She spun on her heels, narrowing her eyes.

"I've had enough of your apologies, Heddy!" she snapped, and I nodded. If I wanted to have a calm conversation with her, I needed to play by her rules. Leigh could be nearly deadly when she got mad.

"I know, but since this is the last time we're talking, I think you owe it to yourself to hear me out," I said quietly. "Or just sweep it all under the rug."

"It's not that easy, okay?" she asked, pressing her hand to her chest. "My best friend lied to me for who knows how long while she was with the guy I liked. Do you have any idea how that feels?"

I fell into silence before collecting my thoughts. Now that she wanted to talk to me, it was time to put an end to all of this.

"I know you feel betrayed; I would, too. You have every right to be angry," I nodded. "But you can't hold it against me that I started seeing Seeley long before you even thought about liking him."

I didn't want to tell her he had already shown interest in me before I finally gave in. I didn't want to twist the knife in her heart any further.

I didn't want her to feel like it was a competition or that she was less than me. I wanted her to know that she was special and a good person, but Seeley might not be the right guy for her, just as he probably wasn't the right person for me, despite everything we'd been through.