Brutal

Chapter 37: Baby Face

April

April came without another word from Josh. I started to regret the last email I sent him, basically begging him to not break us up. I decided I was being selfish. He didn't need the stress of our relationship while he was recovering. He needed to focus on himself, on getting better and coping with everything he'd been through.

Many times I debated sending another email, telling him that I would accept his decision. But as time went on, and the aching in my heart persisted, I couldn't bring myself to do it. In my mind, us breaking up would have meant that everything we went through was for nothing. That we were nothing. Our brief yet tumultuous relationship meant too much to me.

A few days before the drag show, I received an acceptance letter from the University of Michigan.

My friends all congratulated me, including Liv who had been accepted to UT Austin. Miles had been accepted to Berkeley.

Miles's parents insisted on taking us all out to eat to celebrate. The entire time, though, all I could think about were my parents.

I once again considered texting my mom, telling her the news, but I stopped myself. Why was it on me to reach out? Why did I have to be the bigger person?

I was tired of compromising myself to make others comfortable, to make them feel better. I refused to bridge that gap between my parents and me because it was their fault to begin with.

Nevertheless, the guilt I felt about the whole ordeal persisted.

On April 15, our new friend group gathered at Miles's to get ready to go to the club. We'd all managed to get our fake IDs sorted, thanks to Sky's dubious but effective website. Even Grant, who was both excited and nervous, had his in hand, though I secretly worried about him being able to get in; he definitely did not look 21.

Jake volunteered to drive Liv, Miles, and me. Harper was driving Sky, Grant, Janessa, and Margot.

On the way there, Jake kept asking questions about drag queens.

"Are they men or women?" Jake whispered to Liv, genuinely confused. "I mean, what are they exactly?"

Miles and I, sitting together in the backseat, turned to each other and grinned.

When we arrived, the line was already snaking around the block. After Jake parked, we walked over to meet up with the rest of our group. The April night air was a little chilly, but it was significantly warmer than the last time I was there. My heart thudded with excitement as we got in line.

We approached the bouncer as the line moved forward. He was a large man with tattoos covering his arms. I quickly glanced at Grant, who looked so young and vulnerable, and got nervous. 

"IDs," the bouncer grunted, holding out a hand.

We handed over our fakes, one by one. He scrutinized each one carefully before nodding us through. But when he got to Grant, he paused, raising an eyebrow.

"You got to be kidding me," he said, shaking his head. "This kid looks like he's twelve."

Grant looked scared and so sad.

Despite my nervousness, I stepped forward and argued, "Come on, he's with us. Please. We're just trying to see the show."

The bouncer looked unimpressed. "Rules are rules." He crossed his arms over his chest.

Just as I was about to plead our case further, a familiar voice interrupted. "They're with me. Let them in, darling."

None other than Lois Carmen Denominator stepped up beside us in a sparkly outfit that caught the light. She gave the bouncer a grin and a wink. "They're my guests, honey."