The Dark Alpha: True Luna

Chapter 19: No

I sit on my bed cross-legged with Rouven's journal in my lap. Corrine thinks I'm showering—I'm going to—I just need to do this first. Throughout the day yesterday, I snuck away whenever there was time to spare, and I came to my bedroom to read the journal. It seems today is going to follow the same route. I need to keep my focus on something other than Theo.

As long as I have our mate bond, I'll keep telling myself that he's going to be back—he's simply caught up right now, scheming one step ahead of everyone else. That seems the most like him, not being captured by Crasna or abandoning me. Theo's too smart, too in love with me.

He's doing brilliant things, I know it. And while he's gone, he'd want me to be brave.

Last night I discovered a page of Rouven's journal filled primarily with tally marks. The one hundred and thirtieth mark is boldly circled. In the margin, Rouven wrote: Changed me. I pray it will never happen again. My wolf took total control and refused to let me go.

I believe the tallies are tracking his shifts. Theo has said similar things about his wolf, yet he stands firm in his belief that embracing the shifts makes the experience more bearable. I wonder if Rouven came to the same conclusion too—I haven't come across that opinion yet, though.

I've counted the tallies. There are over three hundred, which seems like a low amount for an Alpha wolf, but it's possible these aren't all his shifts. Maybe he only tracked them for a certain amount of time or eventually stopped counting as his condition worsened. Though I've been delving back into his writings, I don't like to contemplate his letter that's still tucked in the front of the journal. I don't want to think about the moon piercing through him or his insistence that the Draven bloodline must end.

According to Rouven, my babies were never supposed to be born and Theo should have rejected me.

Someone approaches my bedroom. I snap the journal closed and stuff it under my pillow just as a knock rumbles on one of the doors. "Celeste, it's me."

Maude.

"Come in," I call.

Maude enters my room and closes the door. Her demeanor is different, more gentle. "Hey. How are you doing? Corrine said you were showering, so I waited with the boys, but I figured you were done by now."

"Oh," I say and peer at the clock. It's been over an hour since I came upstairs. "I forgot."

"What?" She asks and sits on the edge of the bed.

"To shower."

"Right, well, that's fine. I can leave you to it, I just wanted to check on you. I know you must be having a hard time."

I sigh and rest against my pillows. "Yeah. It's been two days. I thought he would at least send a message by now to tell me he's okay."

"You think...he can?" She asks as though she isn't sure she should.

"We can talk, Maude. I'm not going to burst into tears or start dry heaving."

Her shoulders relax. "Everyone's worried about you."

"I know."

"You could eat more. Rest more, too, from the looks of it. Have you been sleeping?"

I shrug. "Here and there."

She makes a motherly face, disapproving but out of love.

"The scouts can't pick up his scent around Crasna's camp or anywhere else they look; it's like he vanished. They're going to other packs now to see if he's meeting with Alphas like Woodbury or Giles. Corbin didn't want the scouts to—he thought it would cause suspicion—but I think he's starting to worry."