After losing the only boy she has ever loved, Jackie must find a way out of the spider web of grief and memory, and hold to the delicate hope of moving forward.
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Jackie never pi...
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THEN
This is not a date.
This can't be a date.
For the sake of my mental well-being and peace, I can't think of this as a date. If I do, I'll remind myself that behaving like an idiot will have real consequences, and the stakes are much higher than they'd be were this anything else. Just two friends going out for coffee, that's all.
If I dare suggest this could be something more, I'm screwing over the rest of my college career. I don't want to be the type of girl that gets hung up on a guy she went on one date with and nothing came of that.
If this goes awry, I lose the friends I haven't made yet. Things between me and the rest of the hockey guys will be awkward; I know guys talk, and they'll know. Between a random awkward girl they met at the gym and one of them, there's no doubt who they'll side with.
Maybe if things don't go anywhere—it's just awkward, but not bad—we can survive it. I'll have to avoid the gym or go there at a different time, even though I'm already dreading having to make any changes to a schedule that has no time or space to be flexible. I'll stick with Magnolia or make other friends; surely there are nice people in my classes. And time will heal. Time will make it better. And things will go back to normal.
Normal. Predictable. Comfortable.
In my version of reality, there's no way this works out.
Andy is a hockey player, and a damn good one at that; I've seen him on the ice, and people aren't exaggerating or joking when they call him a beast. He knows what he's doing, and he does it better than all the other prospective players. He's better than most of the guys on the team.
He certainly looks the part. He's tall and strong, thanks to hours spent on the ice and at the gym, and it's clear that he takes it seriously and cares about how he looks. Most of all, he cares about what his body can do for him—the stamina, the strength. And it helps that it all comes together in a gorgeous face and body combination.
