Chasing Casey

Chapter Thirty One

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Dedication: Featherblossom for commenting on the last chapter! Thank you!

Recap:

His lips breathlessly met mine. Sweat gathered on my forehead, despite the chilly temperature.

I let out a loud moan as we finished at the same time. I could hear the thump of my heart beat in my ears as his warm hand found mine.

He slumped onto me, burying his face into the crook of my neck.

"Well," he whispered, propping himself up and staring down at me. He delicately ran his fingers down my cheek, cupping my face. "We should study together more often."

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As Josh drove me to my car, I couldn't decide what I was feeling.

I didn't exactly regret sleeping with him - I had craved his touch the moment he gave it to me. I had gone so long without it and with my brief fling with Isaac, reminded me how good it was to have someone touch you, to hold you...

Josh continued to mindlessly chat as he drove. He was bubbly and energetic, as if our time together had rejuvenated him. Me on the other hand, felt sad because the moment I stepped out of the car, I was going to be alone again. There was also fear of Josh ignoring me from here on out and acting like it never happened.

"And then I was like - hey, are you okay?" he asked, glancing over to me. "You're being quieter than usual."

I clamped my lips together as my eyes burned.

"Sadie, you're scaring me. We went too far, didn't we? I told you-"

"No, it's not that," I murmured, wiping at the corner of my eye. "I can't tell you because you will laugh, or think I'm clingy."

"Tell me," he demanded.

"No."

Suddenly, he sharply pulled off the road. Gravel flared up from the tires as he skidded to a stop. I flung forward, my hands just going out in time to stop my face hitting the dashboard. I turned to stare at him, my eyes wide.

"Tell me, right now."

"I can't, you will think I'm pathetic."

"Sadie," his voice was soft now. He reached over, sliding his fingers through mine. "Please tell me."

Tears slid down my cheeks. I hate crying, especially in front of other people.

"I can't sleep and I'm so fucking tired," I whispered. "There's reasons I can't sleep, you won't understand, but just know that I can't. I really liked spending time with you tonight because for a few moments, I forgot about the fucked up stuff that I have to live through and now that it's over, you're just going to leave and I'm going to be alone and I am so fucking tired."

My voice was a whisper at the end. I slung forward, burying my face into my hands as I let myself cry.

"I didn't want to say anything because I don't want you to feel obliged to help me. I don't want to seem like the clingy-after-sex-girl that you can't get rid of. I'm not, I promise. I'm just so sick of not being able to be happy or to sleep or to eat-" I hiccupped into my hands, my voice muffled because of my hands. "Sorry, Josh. I don't mean to dump this on you. I'm sorry."

After a few moments of silence, Josh started the car. I peered at him, through the gaps of my fingers, as he performed a U-turn.

"What are you doing?"