I packed my things in silence, concentrating on folding my clothes before placing them in my suitcase. A bitter taste lingered in my mouth—not just from returning home but also from how everything had ended. The more I thought about it, the stronger my desire grew to leave this house. I recalled painful memories whenever I gazed at the bright walls that had been my summer refuge.
I remembered Clara confronting me angrily, Seeley coming home after Clara had hurt him, and the deep betrayal I inflicted on Leigh.
As I chewed on my secret relationship with Seeley, I questioned whether it had been worth it. Was keeping secrets from my best friend, my partner in crime, worth it for someone who was both the best and the worst person in my life? Though I couldn't answer that, I felt deep down that it was likely a decisive no.
If only I had had the courage to speak up when Leigh admitted her feelings, we wouldn't be on the edge of walking away from each other for good.
I should have approached everything with greater maturity and responsibility, and then maybe Leigh wouldn't hate me that much. Although Leigh was angry and resentful toward me, I still held hope that we might someday repair our relationship.
She could be annoying and jealous whenever I mentioned other friends, but her intentions were always good. She had every right to feel hurt when she found out that I had been lying to her.
After all, she had never lied to me. I was one of the first to learn about her newfound feelings for Seeley. I often wondered if she still had those feelings after the humiliation he caused her that night. While I was furious at Seeley for lacking empathy towards Leigh, our friend of many years, I also remembered that the events he'd experienced had pushed him into a dark place.
When Leigh entered the room to grab her bags and tidy her bed, our eyes met briefly before she turned away as if I didn't exist. It hurt to see her ignoring me, but the time I spent away from her influence made me realize that sometimes people aren't meant to be lifelong friends, and that's perfectly acceptable.
We must live in the present, not the future, regardless of how much we wish to stay in touch after graduation. It's astonishing how we began this summer filled with laughter and joy, only to have it end in tears and pain.
"Thank you for this summer," I said, even though I knew she didn't want to talk to me.
"I can't tell you the same, unfortunately," she mumbled, and I turned around. She was facing the wall, trying to control her emotions and breathing.
"I know I've said this already, but I'm really sorry about everything."
She spun on her heels, narrowing her eyes.
"I've had enough of your apologies, Heddy!" she snapped, and I nodded. If I wanted to have a calm conversation with her, I needed to play by her rules. Leigh could be nearly deadly when she got mad.
"I know, but since this is the last time we're talking, I think you owe it to yourself to hear me out," I said quietly. "Or just sweep it all under the rug."
"It's not that easy, okay?" she asked, pressing her hand to her chest. "My best friend lied to me for who knows how long while she was with the guy I liked. Do you have any idea how that feels?"
I fell into silence before collecting my thoughts. Now that she wanted to talk to me, it was time to put an end to all of this.
"I know you feel betrayed; I would, too. You have every right to be angry," I nodded. "But you can't hold it against me that I started seeing Seeley long before you even thought about liking him."
I didn't want to tell her he had already shown interest in me before I finally gave in. I didn't want to twist the knife in her heart any further.
I didn't want her to feel like it was a competition or that she was less than me. I wanted her to know that she was special and a good person, but Seeley might not be the right guy for her, just as he probably wasn't the right person for me, despite everything we'd been through.
"When did we let a boy come between us?" I asked, spreading my arms.
When she looked up at me, I could see her slowly understanding my point, but she was still too stubborn to give in.
"You're right, I shouldn't have lied to you. That was low of me," I said sadly. "I just don't want you to think that you are not important."
"Well, you did a great job showing me that," she remarked.
I sighed and almost smiled at her attitude. She was starting to relax a bit, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't pleased to see that.
Even if we didn't stay friends after all this, I just wanted to start fresh with her.
"I'd say now that summer is over, it doesn't matter, but I know it does," I continued. "Even if you can't forgive me for that, I want you to remember that I've always loved you, and you're my best friend."
Leigh blinked a few times and scanned the room. She wasn't comfortable with apologies or heartfelt speeches, which hasn't changed.
"I might hate you even more now, but that night when Seeley revealed his true self, I realized I may have only liked the idea of him—the version I imagined after our deep conversations," she confessed, and I felt a pang of sympathy.
There's nothing worse than losing your admiration for someone. The memories can still sting, even when you see they aren't who you thought they were.
"I acted like a total teenager," she chuckled nervously. "I enjoyed the attention from a guy and would have given in the second he showed interest in me. How ridiculous is that?"
I laughed and shook my head.
"We all make mistakes because we can't bear the truth," I said. "It happens to everyone; don't be too hard on yourself."
She gave me a grateful look before picking up her bags.
"I didn't realize you were a therapist, Heddy."
I nodded, then shrugged.
"Didn't you hear the others' first impression of me when we were celebrating my birthday?" I asked with a cheeky smile. "I was almost everyone's therapist at first."
We laughed, and I felt every stabbing pain and suffocating feeling in my chest fade away. I knew we weren't good, but we were making progress. I was happy to see Leigh smile after all the tears she'd shed because of Seeley and me.
As we left the room, we spotted Casen sitting on the couch, talking on the phone.
"What part of 'we just packed our bags' was hard to understand?" he whined, then groaned and leaned back.
Leigh leaned over my shoulder and lowered her voice. "I think he's talking to his mom."
My eyes widened as I tried to muffle my surprised and amused gasp with my palm. "You can't be serious."
Leigh nodded toward Casen, who looked like he was being tortured on the couch.
"I'm almost sure it's her. He's always like this when he talks to her," Leigh said, then frowned. "Reminds me of someone."
I gave her a small smile.
"He reminds you of yourself when you're on your period?" I asked, and she gasped.
"Heartless." She narrowed her eyes, and I shrugged. That label didn't bother me anymore; it was time to let high school go, and I was happy to do that.
After Austin joined us, we talked a little about facing our families again. None of us was happy to return to Hillsboro, but we all knew it was time to confront reality.
I liked being here and enjoying the summer, but it was too much even for me, the daughter of a woman full of insecurities and a desire for control.
When Seeley walked out of his room, he stopped beside us and dropped his bags to the floor.
"All good?" Austin asked, flipping his phone between his long fingers.
Seeley looked up and gave him a small nod.
"Yes."
I tried not to notice the struggle and wave of emotions on his face, but it was impossible when he turned to me and stared into my eyes.
"Do you have a minute, Heds?"
When Leigh looked at me, I gave Seeley a shy nod and followed him out of the house.
It was early in the afternoon, and the sun was blinding us. The air was hot and heavy on our skin; sometimes, despite taking deep breaths, I felt like I wasn't even fully breathing.
I didn't know what to make of Seeley's expression. I knew this confrontation was inevitable, but I would have preferred it not to happen. I still had mixed feelings about him. He was the reason for either my smile or my tears, but the bad parts shouldn't have been that bad.
Walking away would hurt like hell. But staying would probably kill me.