This chapter listen to Helplessly by Tatiana Manaois
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My reflection in the mirror blinked back at me as I stood in my room, my hands by my sides and my face showing no emotion. I took the time to point out every flaw I had and really study everything. I was pale with dark brown hair that sat in long waves down my back and I had big blue shining eyes. My lips were thin and my cheeks were puffy, not gaunt. I had long eyelashes and a slim nose and a round yet thin face. My body was skinny, but not thin. I wasn't just skin and bone, you could see my fat. My legs were long and slim with about a 3cm thigh gap standing normally and my arms were slightly thinner than normal. It was my stomach I hated. It wasn't fat, but it wasn't prettily skinny either. I didn't have curves or big breasts, I was just flat. Everything was flat.
On my forehead sat the word lovely, written in thick black marker in my messy cursive handwriting as I had written it on the mirror. My gaze followed the edging of the mirror where a border had started of just the word written over and over again.
I didn't feel lovely, that's for sure. I didn't stop eating to become lovely, I stopped because my dad died. And now, I was stuck in this huge mess where I was skinny and alone and broken and I wished I hadn't looked at the stars that night and I wished I was dead right now. I wished I died then. Life would of been so much easier. Because now what? I'm stuck here trying to fix a problem that's unfixable and trying to heal someone that simply just can't be.
Beside me on my desk sat an apple that Maria had obviously put there and I reached out and grabbed it before studying the red fruit warily. I hadn't eaten an apple since a few weeks ago, and that was because mum had told me to have lunch with her in the kitchen. I did eat, just not a lot besides apples. And even then, I ate them rarely. I suppose if I didn't eat at all I would become very thin very fast and mum would notice and I didn't want her to notice anything about me that was out of the usual.
I took a bite into the juicy apple and heard a loud crisp as my teeth hit the red flesh. I closed my eyes as I felt the small bit of apple travel around my mouth, the sweet flavour exploding everywhere. I took a few more small bites and then had to put it back down on the desk. I didn't want to spew it up, but I just couldn't handle anymore. But that was progress. I took small bites of something every now and then and soon, I'd start up a smooth eating pattern.
A knock suddenly came at my door, followed by my mum's voice. "Heather? You in there?"
I quickly moved to sit down on my bed and opened up my book. "Yes." I called back.
The door soon opened and my mother, who was dressed in a red cashmere sweater -a gift from Phil- and beige capris, was shown standing by my doorway. "Would you be able to run down to the shop to get me some milk? I told Maria she could go home early and I'm attempting to cook dinner." She smiled, as if her cooking dinner and letting our maid, who was treated as a slave, go home deserved the Nobel Prize.
"Milk?" I repeated. "What for?"
"I'm cooking pasta. You alright with that?" She asked.
I hesitated. "Yeah. Fine." I said. "I'll go get the milk."
"Thanks, love. Money's on the kitchen counter." She said before walking back down the stairs. I stood up and put on my old white cardigan before heading downstairs, grabbing the change off the counter, stuffing my feet into my usual black Converse, and stepping outside.
The corner store wasn't far from our house; about two streets away, and so I didn't rush. Today wasn't as sunny as yesterday and a slight wind was starting, picking up random pieces of my hair and making it fly across my face. I began walking down our street that had houses matching ours and neighbours matching Phil and kept my head down, not wanting to look at any of them.
Before I knew it I had passed the street that held my old house. I was still furious at mum for making us move, and making us move only a few streets away. But at least it was only a walking distance for me to get there....well, now I couldn't. Because people were living there now.
Harry.
His name seemed to roll effortlessly through my mind, making me feel strange things and making everything in my body tingle. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to know his last name, why he moved to my old house. What his dreams were, what his goals in life were. I wanted to know everything I possibly could about him and I wanted his thoughts to be about me just like mine were about him and I-
"Crap!" A voice yelled as I soon felt myself colliding with someone and crashing to the floor.
My back hit the concrete hard and I closed my eyes to try and ignore the pain but when I opened them again, I saw a pair of magical green eyes staring back at me, blinking rapidly.
"Are you oka- Heather." Harry suddenly smiled.
My eyes widened at Harry's sudden appearance and I sat myself up, struggling to believe that he was leaning down right in front of me. He looked worried and it took me a few seconds to realise he was holding his hand out to me. I stood up by myself, accidentally whacking his outstretched arm with my hip and earning a confused look from him as I bit my lip in pain.
"H-Hi." I stuttered.
He cocked his head to the side and sort of studied me for a bit before snapping out of whatever trance he was in and coughing. "Sorry for knocking you over. I was sort of in a hurry to get home. I've been out here for a while..."
I felt my lips twitch a little as I felt a smile coming on but I pulled myself together. "Here? But your house is down the end of that street back there." I pointed out.
Harry turned red. "Oh. Is it? Oh god...."
This time I did smile and Harry noticed as he returned it. "This is really embarrassing." He said sheepishly.
"What are you doing out here anyway?" I asked him suddenly.
He looked at me. "Oh. My mum sent me out to go get some milk. But, I still haven't found the store yet. The streets all look the same here and I've been wandering around like some homeless person for twenty minutes now."
I broke into a laugh, my smile widening. "I'm getting milk too. Want me to show you the store?"
Harry grinned. "God, yes please."
I stepped ahead of him, showing him the way, and soon he was right beside me, walking my pace.
"So, Heather," he started off slowly. "Where do you live now?"
I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. "A few streets down." I told him. I saw him nod.
"So you moved houses to a few streets down?" Harry checked.
I laughed under my breath. "It's a bit more complicated than that but yeah, we did."
"Oh? How so?"
I know he was just curious, but I couldn't tell him why it was so complicated. But I didn't want to lie to him either. Because he was different to everyone else I had ever met. He gave off this vibe that just had me drawn to him and there was something about his eyes, they were like Maria's, they showed you that he cared. And not just cared because he wanted to know, he genuinely cared.
"Long story." I said. "What about you?" I asked him, averting the topic away from me.
Harry looked ahead as he walked. "Uh, well, there's not much to say really. My mum broke up with her fiancée and we moved from Holmes Chapel to here. Manchester."
I looked at him. "Oh. That must of been hard." I said.
He shook his head a little. "Not really. I mean, for mum, yeah. But for me? Nah. But moving was hard. I didn't really want to leave my friends, you know?"
Unfortunately, I didn't. Because I had never had any close friends that made it so hard for me to move down the road. I had never really had friends in general. I mean, I invited my whole class to my party so that they would like me...
"Yeah." I said. "I know."
I didn't realise but we had reached the corner store and I came to a stop, the store's sudden view taking me by surprise. It seemed to of come so quick....
"Everything okay?" Harry asked me.
I shook my head and nodded at the same time. "Uh, yeah! Yeah. Let's go." I said, walking into the small store filled with everyone's necessities. I lead Harry over to the fridge stocked high with milk and grabbed a carton for him as well as me. We then walked over to the counter in silence and paid for our milk separately before exiting the shop.
"Your house is really nice." Harry said suddenly as we started back home.
I looked at him. "Sorry?"
"Your old house." He corrected with a soft laugh. "Lovely home."
The word lovely coming from his mouth was so beautiful, it was like the word was meant for him. He said it so carelessly but so meaningful at the same time and I couldn't help but fantasise about him using my name and the word lovely in a sentence together.
"It really is." I agreed. "What room is yours?"
"Uh, the one with the circle window-"
"No way!" I squealed. "That was my room!"
Harry turned to me, his whole eyes lighting up. "So you were the one that carved 'H J' into the wall by the power plug?"
I smiled, remembering how one day when I was locked in my room for two hours, because I broke mum's lamp, I carved my initials into my wall. "Yes, that was me." I laughed.
Harry mirrored my smile. "I chose that room because I thought it was the best one in the house."
"It so is." I said. "And when it's a full moon, don't pull your curtains. Because the moonlight shines on the tree outside and the shadow comes into your room and it creates a sort of light show and it's really pretty." I said subconsciously. "I used to stay up all night just staring at it."
I could feel Harry's eyes on me and I suddenly turned my gaze to meet them but when I did, I saw that the look in his was one of wonder, not a judgemental one. He smiled softly. "I'll make sure I do that." He said, making me smile.
All too quickly, just like the rest of the trip, we reached Harry's street. I couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed as I realised our little journey was over. We both stopped walking and hovered around, not knowing what to do.
"Uh, well thanks for walking me to the store." Harry said, holding up his carton of milk. "I'm sure mom will be pleased to finally get the milk she wanted twenty minutes ago."
I smiled faintly and nodded, showing him that it was no problem. Neither of us moved.
"Maybe we could catch up again? Seeing as we don't live that far from each other..." Harry said awkwardly, as if I would reject his offer.
"I'd like that." I told him, clutching the carton of milk tighter.
Harry nodded. "Cool, yeah. Well, keep in touch, yeah?"
I didn't really understand what that meant but I nodded anyway and after a small wave, Harry turned around and started walking down his street. I watched him as he went and just as I was about to start walking home myself, he turned around and smiled at me before looking back ahead and turning the corner.
I felt myself blush as I started walking home.
----
That night, after a disgusting pasta dish that I didn't eat anyway, I retreated back up to my room and went over to my bookcase before selecting a new book. I settled on Little Woman, and went back over to my bed to start reading, and about two hours later, it was 9:00 pm. But that wasn't what stopped me from reading. What stopped me was the moonlight from my window shining through.
I jumped off my bed and ran to my window, peering through the glass at the very clear full moon that sat high up in the dark blue sky. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't seen one in so long and it was so pretty. So clear and white and just glowing in the sky.
And as I stood by the window, staring out at the moon, I wondered if Harry was doing the same. I wondered if he had his curtains pulled back and was sitting on the bed just watching the shadow of the tree and moonlight dance around on his bedroom floor. I wondered if he was thinking about me right now. I wondered what was going through his mind and what he was doing and I wondered what his mom made with the milk and what kind of things were in his room.
But as I stayed staring at the moon, my arms leant against the window sill and my nose pressed against the glass, I got the feeling that a few streets down at number 27, upstairs in the appropriate sized room with the circle window, the curtains drawn back and sitting on his bed was Harry.
And maybe, just maybe, he was thinking about me just like I was thinking about him.
-×Authors note×-
So that wasn't too bad was it?
What do you think about Harry's character?
And Heather?
As always let me know of any spelling mistakes and if you enjoyed click that cute little star for me. This chapters question is:
Have you ever had an extremely embarrassing moment with someone you like for still do like?