SL8Entropy
I was trying to manually operate a background mechanism, much like forcing myself to fall asleep by aggressively monitoring my own brainwaves. Every concept, thought, idea, or structure arrived charged with terrifying significance, as if it were foundational; and yet none could be held long enough to define. The importance came first, uninvited and unexplained, and the explanation never caught up before the thought slipped out of reach.
Consider this a review of a quiet catastrophe. Of a year lost to an Ouroboros of anomalous cognition. Writing rules to govern thoughts, and then rules to govern those rules, recursively and endlessly until the simple, organic act of thinking was suffocated by protocols, mandates, and regulations. It wasn't a poetic madness, nor an intellectual tragedy, merely a maladroit attempt at administration.
I looked at the rest of the world and wondered how they functioned under this weight, watching the ease with which others operate, blissfully free from the crushing dread of manually compiling their own cognitive software. Their minds are comfortably automated; mine was locked in a manual override I couldn't switch off.