uɐʇɐs

i did not think i could feel like that again, liquid desire pooling in my stomach, heart fluttering and cheeks flushed, those soft trails of fingertips on my hands almost had me undone, i couldn’t even focus on the movie, and he smelled so fucking good, so so good

id be so lost with you Dorothea, always a mind reader, a natural scene stealer

THIS MUST BE MY DREAM
          WIDE AWAKE BEFORE I FOUND YOU
          I CANT WAIT FOR YOU, BOY

it’s always been hard to look you right in the eyes, it feels like you see and hear everything im thinking, im sorry for forever averting my gaze but you’re my truest friend and i dont know where to put all this love it feels like it stretches across time and a vast distance and for just these past couple days it felt like it balled up in my chest, no longer stretched thin but whole and im sorry for making our goodbye short but i dont not think i could bear it if i stayed, thank you for seeing me and showing me your city, thank you for being there for me and laughing till my cheeks hurt, thank you for knowing me like no other, thank you for biting me even though it was so fucking irritating, youre just as pretty as those tulips in chicago

say what you want, but say it like you mean it, with your fists for once, a long Cold War

i have so much regret looking back i wish i could reinvent time to reinvent myself and make a million different choices how do i go back from stopping it and stopping myself and hoping i turn into someone else

when we were out for dinner, my parents kept saying things about my hair and my weight and my skin, i didn’t say anything. i have just cut my bangs and they said it doesn’t suit me and i look round and heavier. 
          
          my sister looks me in the eye and asks, “you’re going to say nothing? you’re going to let them walk all over you and say all of this and say nothing?” 
          
          what use is it to? ive spent too many moments arguing to let me have some autonomy over myself, im not going to repeatedly do that, id rather just do i think, but i dont and in the few cases i do, i get punished

how do i get to that good life?

i feel like i am only pretty in pictures, it’s the ugly truth of my textured skin and hard smile lines and deep set under eye bags that repulse me and just repulse others. it’s so much easier to enamor others when you show so little of yourself. why can’t i grow out of this shell

i can’t even remember who i was talking to last year, the months of many a face have blurred by, i don’t remember you, you were not worth keeping a stake. maybe these instant flames that glow so bright and die ever so quickly are to keep me constantly moving and never linger for too long, because if i let you stay, that’s letting you leave first. i have had no intention on letting any of you stay, you are all so temporary in the great vastness of my cruelty.