this message may be offensive
TW: swearing, maybe a vent
so, i was absent for a competition once, so i wasn't there for class
in that class, they also announced a group project, and i didn't know until next week, when the subject leader asked me to find a group to join and stuff.
at first i wasnt sure, i wasnt close with anyone in the class, and i felt awkward, especially since days after, when i didn't react to my chinese teacher calling me out on homework, i heard, but simply didn't react, and the girls beside me thought i was deaf and kept giggling and shit. also happened with ppl older than me once during recess. ;-;
i also genuinely believe people think im deaf because of this.
anyways, i finally had the courage to ask a group to join them, seeing i was closest with two people in the group. they said, and i quote, 'sorry, we have everything sorted out and we just can't let you join.' i may be exaggrating due to stress, so i do feel like im victimizing myself a bit, sorry. i tried again with another group, rejected. i gave up, bad trait of mine.
the teacher asked me about it, and gave me a choice. either i do a group project alone, or ask someone else. i work alone.
however, my little brother is very sweet to me (we have the weirdest but most calm sibling relationship ever. both of us are lonely people at school so we found each other and barely have fights. yeah) and decided to help me out, and i appreciate it.
a friend from another class also volunteered to help, but i didn't want burden em. (they insisted anyway i love em so much)
so yeah. especially since ive dealt with fitting in and a few rude comments before graduating to my new school, people say i have looked better, and im happy about that. but, im scared due to these strained relationships with my classmates, i will become the same person i was before. ive healed from my depressive-like state from my old school, even others say i have gotten better, and i dont want to relive it again. not when ive changed.
i hope i dont.