reader4two

It’s not even been a week since my birthday and all i can think about is how im not gonna make it to 16 anymore and none of them are making this any better

reader4two

I think I think, this is growing up
          I’m feeling numb, so I bite my tongue
          The birds are singing, I’m flying
          You’re at home getting high
          I’m buried trying to stay occupied
          In love with you
          The monster in my bedroom
          You watch me cry
          You watch me laugh
          You watch the love die
          In love with you
          The monster in my bedroom
          Rejection, I’m perfecting
          The art of losing my reflection
          I lost my mind I want it back
          I hate the person in my hands
          The way I cried in summer nights
          Longing for your acceptance 
          The person that I have become
          It’s never good I’m not enough
          This is my part of growing up
          Losing my own reflection
          Losing my own reflection
          Losing my own reflection
          Losing my own reflection
          Losing my own reflection

reader4two

I started listening to this song when I was 13 or something and now I’m 15..not that big of a difference but it’s never been any less relatable (*´-`) still don’t know how I feel about being a senior though…
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reader4two

I keep seeing his dead body on my bed every time I open my eyes or even turn my head to the side, it’s actually driving me insane

reader4two

The worst part of it all is that I can’t tell my parents about merely a fraction of what’s going on, they already think I’m some lunatic, and I know that no teacher or counselling can help either. I’m just stuck in this hole again no matter what I do
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reader4two

I’m not sure why it’s happening or if it’s remotely paranormal—like for all I know it could just be because of the grief. But I don’t feel sad over his death or anything, as bad as it sounds, or at least I think I don’t. Maybe it’s because I actually saw him dying, somewhat. I just can’t get the image out of my head no matter what I do, it’s like his soulless eyes are engraved into the back if my mind as some sort of reminder of everything that’s happened. I don’t get it though. On one hand, I think it’s some kind of karma the universe is bestowing upon me somehow simply because I didn’t attend his funeral with everyone else like I should’ve, but how could I? That guy has done nothing but hurt me ever since I was conceived, literally all I can remember from my childhood is that stupid face of his and his actions bleeding into my skin. Heck I’m not even surprised if he’s the reason why everyone else did it to me too. Everything I’ve done to run away from the past or just move on from it all isn’t working anymore. I just want to be my own person for once instead of something that others expect from me, or a constant reminder of the things they put me through, but even in death the one person I despise more than my own parents won’t leave me alone
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