WINNIPEG, CANADA - It was a perfectly ordinary day when the aliens attacked.
"It came out of nowhere," Guy MacPherson, 27, says. "I'm not sure why they chose to attack here. We're not even the capitol, eh?"
Reports say that thirty-seven flying saucers descended from the sky and hovered over the city, firing at the residents who came out to witness the sight. The number of casualties is currently unknown, but could number in the thousands.
Winnipeg is a city in Manitoba, a providence that no one outside of Canada has ever heard of. It is a perfectly ordinary city, which makes the aliens' actions even more baffling.
"Maybe they've seen Independence Day and think the Americans are more bad*** than they actually are," suggests Winnifred D'Pooh, a French-speaking woman living in Newfoundland. "I'd like to see how they fare in our 26 below winters."
In the aftermath of the invasion, speculation has run rampant as to why the aliens have targeted this particular city. The leader of the local chapter of the Church of Happyology declared to his followers that "Xena has come!" moments before being atomized by one of the spacecraft. It is speculated that his followers may make up up to 42% of the total death toll.
Meanwhile, the Pope has declared a "worldwide prayer" in the hopes that God will drive away the aliens.
Members of the QAnon conspiracy have started sacrificing pro-vaccine relatives to the aliens, blaming microchips and 5G for "bringing the aliens right to us". This has received widespread support in the US in places like Slope County, North Dakota; Manila, Utah; and Hyannis, Nebraska; and widespread condemnation by sane people everywhere else.
The Prime Minister has not said anything about his plans for the alien invasion, and there is speculation that he may not even be aware of the invasion at all.
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BBC News
Canada under attack by extraterrestrials, Prime Minister says
By Sir W.C. Snootnose
The Prime Minister of Canada has declared a state of emergency after flying saucers descended from the sky on Thursday.
"It only took 'em three days," says Niles Saynman, a local resident.
The Canadian government has beseeched its allies for aid. Parliament is voting on a bill to grant them almost 100 million pounds in aid, to the chagrin of many civilians.
"They wanted independence, so it's independence we will give them," says Tory leader Tammy Bile, who ran on a platform campaigning to put the English first, to the chagrin of conservative Welsh and Scottish voters. "No more handouts!"
