Half A Heartbeat Away

44

•Milena Blackford•

As Beckham finished with his story I couldn't help but admire him. As a husband and as a father. To openly admit his struggles to me, the guilt he felt and how it affected him. He was one of the strongest people I have ever met.

I realized that in the time I was unsure about everything, he also was. When I felt like I'm drowning, so was he. Now we're both afloat. My heart beats slowly but steadily. I've got nothing to be afraid of anymore. It's like he defeated all my monsters to their bays.

So, I can't find it in me to stop myself when I lean forward to close the gap between us, my lips meeting his in the utmost gentle caress. I breathe into him, my hands grip his strong shoulders to steady myself, even though we're seated on the bed, if I had been standing my knees would most likely buckle at the moment. At the feeling of this. Of him.

Beck gladly accepts my kiss, diving in deeper and deeper as the moments pass by. It's like we're making up for lost time. We're also experimenting with each other. I can definitely say I don't mind when he pulls and tugs on my lower lip, a loud moan slipping out of me. In all my years of living, this is the first time a sound as erotic and sensual like this has left my mouth. So it's no use trying to hide the blush that coats my cheeks.

That doesn't seem to fly by Beckham that stops for a second, he looks at my flushed face, making me bite on my lower lip, just like he did a second ago, but it's cooler and hotter when he does it obviously. He chuckles "I love your blush", he kisses my cheek. Then he leans back and says "But I love it more that this blush is solely for me" then proceeds to kiss my other cheek.

Ok. I think I just died dead. This was too much for my heart to take. Then he releases my lip from in between my teeth "If you keep doing that I'm not going to be able to keep off that much" He admits lowly and my eyebrows furrow in perplexity.

He chuckles again, this time pointing at his pants and I just open my mouth gaping like a fish. This. Me. Us here all clothed is doing that to him. Say what would happen if we're both in the same position but naked. Don't go wandering in dangerous territories, I peg my mind.

"I-I'm not sure what to do" I confess honestly. I obviously know the logistics of how sex works, but being put under the situation is completely different. It's like there's a spotlight fixed on me, pressuring me to do all the right things at the right time, but I'm inexperienced, if we put it meekly like that.

I can see that Beck sees the wheels spinning in my mind and steps in to pull me back into the moment, grabbing my face between his hands he says "Talk to me, gorgeous. What's on your mind? If you feel intimidated or if I made you uncomfortable tell me" he tells me gently and I swallow down my breath and look him up in the eye, trying to come up with the words that wouldn't make me sound like an idiot, or clueless.

"I've never done.. that" I say in a small voice and bite my tongue that it doesn't turn him off. He nods letting me know he heard me. I want to bury myself seven feet deep in the ground. I take a deep breath "I-I've never done that before.. and it feels like I'm not going to know what I'm doing and I'm going to mess up and I-I don't want to mess it up" I admit with a shaky voice. There goes another vulnerable moment, this man seems to take all of those from me.

"Let me be perfectly clear love" he starts and the nickname instantly calms me down a bit. "What happens here between us stays between us, and I'll never make fun of you, or mock anything you do here in a condescending way. Hell, you think you don't know what you're doing? All I've been thinking about for the last half hour is how to distract myself so I don't cum in my pants like a horny teenager" He confesses and my eyes widen at his unexpected sentence.

"All I'm thinking is how to not cum too early and mess this up" He adds and the next sentence comes out of my mouth without me thinking about it "But it's different, you.. you've had sex before, this is all new to me" As if I couldn't embarrass myself anymore.

"True, but still, this is also new to me. You're new to me. I want to learn all your quirks, the things that make you shiver for my touch and the things that would resolve you just like that. I want to take my time with you, get to know your body, to memorize every crevice, preferably with my tongue and hands and not just my eyes only"
Oh. Oh.

"I want to also know your likes and dislikes, what are your boundaries and respect them. I want you to teach me all of those. Besides, there's never, and I mean never, going to be anything you don't like or feel uncomfortable with. If I do something like that you tell me immediately. Am I clear? I need you to communicate with me my darling, I can't just read your mind" His hands now slide back and forth into my arms, encouraging me.

I think I'm in love with this man. Helplessly, irrevocably, indefinitely in love with him. Everything he says and does. Everything he is, is just pure perfection.

It's like he was written by a woman.

And so I do the first thing that comes to mind, I basically pounce on him, squeezing the life out of him "Got it, thank you, thank you, thank you" I mutter and enjoy the heat of his embrace as his arms close around me just as tightly.

"Also, I thought it was obvious, but I think I need to say this to you aloud, we don't have anything to do. I'm fine with just kissing, hell even holding you in my arms feels exquisite. We go at your pace. Whatever you say goes. Got that?" Beckham adds in an afterthought.

I nod my head in comprehension. But then he grabs my chin, making me face him "Words, my darling" I admit shyly "Got it" while giggling. He takes the opportunity to kiss the tip of my nose "I'm glad". He just takes my excessive giggles as a sign to continue to smooch my nose and face with little kisses, all while my arms hold onto him lovingly.

This whole conversation got me a bit more vocal, as I can't help but ask the following question "Beck, can I ask you a thing?"