Half A Heartbeat Away

46

•Milena Blackford•

"So you're starting to think about having kids? Are you trying yet?" My mom asks after shortly explaining my predicament.

I'm at my parents' house, Lily and Soir are playing in their corner, with toys that Miguel and my mom went out of their way and purchased for them. It's safe to say my eyes watered a bit when I noticed the new toys neatly organized in a cabinet there. My mom threw it off as nothing too fancy for her grandkids, and Miguel said he wanted them to consider him as the cool uncle. Well, he's their only uncle, so it's off to a good start I'd say.

"Not yet, I think we want to take it slow for now. All this talk about babies is just too much for me" I reply honestly. Like I'd want to delve deeper into intimate details of my relationship, with my mother of all people at that.

"Mommy, I want a little sister. Katy has a little sister and they always play together" Lily comes onto me and surprises me with this. That's the first time she ever said anything like that to me. Katy, her friend from kindergarten is one of her best friends, they usually have playdates either at our house or hers or in the local park, with lots of guards in either situation.

But the thing is, turns out Katy's family, I'm mostly familiarized with her mother Evelyn, are part of the organized crime world. When Beckham shared this with me after I had visited Lily's class once  months ago, my initial reaction was plain surprise. But then I thought of the way Evelyn always dressed to the nines, even at seven thirty in the morning, the fact that they also seem to bring their own guards to the playdates in the park, made it more sensical. Alas, Katy had a younger sister, Emma, that I've met multiple times from when Evelyn had to bring her along. She's a cute little toddler.

I never thought Lily would make a connection from hearing me talk to my mother and dangle the fact in my face with her puppy eyes and puckered lips. My mother just smirks, because this time she's not the one stirring up the topic. Devious, but understandable nevertheless.

I wonder if Lily caught on all the baby talk she's heard throughout the week, I give her too little credit for her age, she's an intelligent kid after all, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that she's aware of things said around her. I really need to be more careful around her overall.
"Yes honey? What about Soir? He's also your little brother.." I try countering off with that. It might not be the best way to address the situation, but that's the first thing that came to my mind.

"Yes but I also want a sister like Katy, having a little sister is so much more fun!" She whines again adorably, emphasizing and elongating the So, and I realize I'm in deep trouble here, treading on dangerous waters. I don't know how to particularly go on about this. On the one hand, I don't want to shut her down completely and devastate her fairy tale dreams, but on the other hand it'd be wrong of me to give her false hope and promise to deliver her a sister, a breathing living little human creature that I'd have to push out of me, when that wasn't in the works yet.

I end up settling on "We'll see about that darling. Do you want to show me the drawing you made? We'll take it home and put it on the fridge". Nice save in my opinion.

"Yes. I drew us all in the garden" She scatters off into the playing corner in order to bring her drawing over, explaining every little detail she did, including the extra baby holding hands with her, depicting us as a family of five, Beckham and I with the three of them. At least she remembered to include Soir in it. There goes the little hope I had that she'd drop this. As I was focused on engaging with her, I didn't miss the knowing little smile my mother gave me, like an encouraging 'I know you got this'.

After we were back home, I changed my clothes into comfier ones and went down into the kitchen to eat something quick. I was so inside my head at the moment, thinking of the current situation and wondering what's the best way to address Lily's inquiries, that I failed to hear the upcoming footsteps until a pair of arms enclosed around me. I jumped in my place and tensed automatically until the familiar scent doted in, along with the resting of a strong chin in the crook of my shoulder.

After a few tantalizing kisses to the conjoined of my neck and shoulder, I finally turned around and looked up to my favorite irises in the entire universe. I can drink them in forever.
"Hi" I greet Beck with a hint of blush on my cheeks following the gentle touch of his hands on my sides, also his penetrating look.

"Hey my love" He answers back and like two magnets that pull together eminently, his mouth seeks my kiss, engulfing my lips. I can never tire of these kisses. After what felt like a lifetime and mere seconds, we had to pull apart due to oxygen, or lack there of. His large hands skim from my waist, all the way up to my cheeks leaving heat in their traces on the places where they touched.

"What's going on in your head?" He places the question so casually and it doesn't skip me that during his kisses my brain just shuts off, each and every worry quiets down to a low hum that gets swollen up in the heat we share. I recall thinking of my predicament and what Lily has said earlier today. Was it something worth sharing or denoting? I'm not sure because I don't know how I feel about it yet.

"Nothing, just normal boring stuff. What about you, how has your day been going? Is there any updates on my brother's.. situation?" I flip the question around to him.

"Yeah, we seem to be closer than ever to ending this. I think her uncles were the ones behind the warehouse incident and even the note that was left seems to be their doing. I just need a bit more time to figure out how to vindicate them" He exposes and I take in a deep breath to calm myself, I can't wait for this thing to be over with. If I could, I would've kicked her along with her uncles from the edge of a cliff downwards. Preferably the cliff of a high mountain, you know, to demise any chances of survival so they can finally take their rightful place in hell and leave me and my family alone.

Ok, that was a long rant, but it's a rightful one.