His Heart, Mine

34- I need you

It took me some time to utterly calm down, but I eventually did. My mom and I ended up staying at the hospital's parking lot for two straight hours.

We did not even talk. I just needed silence and someone I trusted.

Dr. Hernandez had another talk with me, which wouldn't have happened without his kindness. We talked about the future tests I would undergo, and his reassurance made me feel more optimistic.

I'm still utterly terrified, of course. Being sick, especially with an organ sickness, takes all your energy, like a monster eating from your cloud of light.

You start your journey as bright as the sun and end up as dark as the night, scared and drained. I don't miss those years at all.

But Dr. Hernandez made me understand that it may not be that bad depending on the stage of the illness, cardiomyopathy. Even its name is scary, I realize.

Basically, he can't tell how serious it really is until I undergo the tests, which I will take next week. In an ideal world, I would have done the tests the following day after the diagnosis.

But the reality is that I live in America.

The closest appointment I was able to get is for next week, and that's with Dr. Hernandez's huge help. Otherwise, I would have probably waited a month or two.

So, the tests are due for next week, and meanwhile, I'll just have to live with the stress of not knowing if I'm very sick or early sick.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you, Alia?" My mom asks again when the taxi drops us at the campus. "You know I don't have to go back to the hotel at all. I can stay with you as long as you want."

I get closer to her and give her a kiss, then a tight hug.

"I'm fine, Mom. Sara isn't here, and I could use some alone time," I tell her, which I desperately crave.

She parts her lips to protest but eventually gives in and sighs.

"I love you," she tells me before giving me a hug.

"I love you too," I say back.

I watch her grab another taxi and wait until the engine starts to walk away.

I start walking towards the girls' dorm and suddenly stop when realization hits me. I grab my phone and unlock it and, after a minute of scrolling, realize I was right.

Since the Gallagher thing and the police involvement, and Jason's wedding and the parties, I have been late to almost every assignment. I sigh. And as if it wasn't enough, my doctor informs me that my heart condition may be back in a worse form.

I don't want to acknowledge it, but I think dropping out of this semester is the best thing to do for my mental health.

I start feeling angry and bite my lips. I was supposed to graduate this semester. I was supposed to work with Randall fucking Sandler at the end of the semester.

All of this is unfair. But, hey, that's life.

I try not to beat myself up about this. I'm only 21. I've always had excellent records.

Dropping out now is really the best thing I could do to help myself in the future. I'll think about it later.

The campus is oddly empty today. I walk across the courtyard, eager to lie on the bed and eat a bowl of vanilla ice cream. I'll probably binge another season of Modern Family while waiting for Sara to come back and tell her what's going on.

I almost reach the girls' dorm entry when a tall silhouette makes my heart jump.

"Hey, Alia."

I slowly lift my eyes, gazing over the black Tommy Hilfiger T-shirt, broad shoulders, and edgy jaw before I meet Ali's eyes.