His Heart, Mine

35- God's Plan

My eyes are painfully heavy.

The sound of clinical machines echoes in my ears, and I quickly realize that I'm in the hospital. I manage to slightly move my fingers, but it takes a colossal amount of effort. I feel drained. I feel tired.

I take a deep breath and successfully manage to open my eyes. It's white everywhere, and I still hate the smell of the hospital. It smells like pain.

My vision is slightly blurred, but I manage to see a figure approaching me. A female figure.

"Can you tell me your name?" She asks. That's probably a nurse.

She starts taking my temperature and measuring my blood pressure while I try to remember my name.

"Aliana," I tell her. "Aliana Steffens," I repeat, my voice weak.

"On a scale of 10, how would you describe your pain?" She asks again.

"10," I instantly reply.

She notes something, then mumbles a few words before she exits the room. My heart rhythm starts going up, and I'm starting to freak out. I don't remember anything that happened prior to this moment. And what the hell even happened?

The door flies open again, and because of my dizziness, it takes me forever to fully recognize Dr. Hernandez.

"Doc," I eventually say.

"How do you feel, Alia?" He asks, and I can see his arms crossed across his chest.

I close my eyes for a second, the light burning them. Whoever decided that hospitals should always be bright made a huge mistake.

"I feel drained, Doc." I let out a cry, and the panic I felt earlier resurfaces. "What's going on? I've never felt so weak, and I don't even remember what happened."

He shoots a look at the nurse, and I can feel his presence getting closer to me.

"That's because you haven't rested enough. We'll talk later," he says, and those are the last words I hear before the nurse gets closer, a syringe in hand to send me to rest.

                                                                               ***

My eyes are light, and it takes me a second or two to open them widely. From this smell, I instantly know I'm in the hospital. Everything's bright, and I inhale loudly when I find my mom on the sofa near me, just noticing that I'm awake.

"Alia," she almost screams, jumping in my arms.

God, I missed her smell. She smells like blooms and candies. She smells like home.

"How are you, sweetie?" She asks after pulling out.

I place my right hand on my chest and realize that I oddly feel ... great?

"I'm fine, I guess? Oh God," I say when suddenly everything hits me.

Ali.

I run my hand through my hair and remember everything. This morning, I was at the hospital, and then Doc told me I might have a terrible condition.

Then I went to campus, and we bumped into each other. And we talked. My heart starts racing as I remember each of his words.

"Please, forgive me. I love you. I need you. I can't fucking survive without you."

I bite my lips. God, I want him. Right now. I remember what he told me making perfect sense. He was, of course, an asshole. But I'm afraid he's my asshole, and I need him.