Love Me Love Me (English)

22

Ari

The pages about the American Civil War breezed past my eyes. My mind was completely clear, ready to absorb any information hidden in the paragraphs.

After partying for two hours, we holed up in Poppy's room to work on the homework due tomorrow. The more I read, the more I felt like my concentration was at its limit and that the words would be etched in my brain.

"Ari?"

I'll remember everything. Everything

I closed the history book and motioned to the girls. They took out their phones and put their notes on Poppy's quilt.

Brian flung the door open.

"I'm going home. Want a ride, honey?" He looked around, and his expression darkened. "What are you guys doing?" he asked, seeing us as still as statues.

I couldn't answer him. The last memorized phrase was still echoing in my head.

"Shooting the shit. Mind your own business, Brian," Amelia replied. She was the only one who was quick witted in these situations.

"Are you spending the night here?" he asked, staring at his sister inquisitively.

"I don't know."

Sometimes I felt like Brian was more possessive of Amelia than me. As predicted, he wasn't happy about her vague response.

"You're either going home or staying here. There aren't any other options," he said harshly. Amelia snorted, hiding a derisive chuckle.

"Yeah, stay here," interjected Poppy.

Obviously, that made him more skeptical.

He stared at us for a while, but we knew what the issue was.

"Brian, chill, we're here with her. It's just us. Hunter and Jackson left, and I sent Marvin and the other guys home. You can go to bed with a clear conscience." Poppy and her blabbermouth. I still had fifty pages to go. I could finish them.

"What do you mean by that, Poppy? What would change if they were still here?"

Brian was always paranoid.

I have to study. My dad will kill me if I get another bad grade.

"Let's go downstairs, Ari." He addressed me unceremoniously. It was really hard to put up with Brian when he was in this kind of mood. For as much as he did to protect us, sometimes it felt suffocating.

"I'll be back," I whispered to the girls before leaving the room. They went back to their notes, and I followed Brian to the stairs.

There wasn't another living soul there. I leaned against the Range Rover as he stared at me, bewildered. I put his doubts to rest by grabbing him by his T-shirt.

"Ari."

"There's nobody here," I whispered before our lips met. Besides, we were making out on the sidewalk. I didn't understand what the problem was. We'd been together for two years and other than a few kisses there was never anything else between us. He didn't have any problems down there, I was sure of that, but he seemed to ignore all other more intimate aspects of our relationship. And I stopped trying because his rebuffs were too harsh. My hand grazed his chest. I felt his heart pounding under his T-shirt as I caressed it. My breath wavered expectantly, hoping for a miracle, like him tearing my dress off with his hands. But that never happened.

I licked his lower lip and softly bit it, and Brian raised an eyebrow, a little confused. His fingers gripped my hips. One, two, three seconds, then he pulled back.

Again.

Emboldened, I grabbed his hand and put it under my skirt.

"Not here," he said, pulling away from me immediately.

"Not here, not in the car, not in your room, not at my house. You never want to anywhere!"

"I said not here."

I clenched my jaw and pulled away.

He stopped me. Again. He was shattering my self-esteem for the millionth time.

"Why?" I asked.

Why was it that the only guy I liked didn't want me? Why did all the other guys like me except for him?

He said he loved me, but he didn't show it. And I couldn't stand that. He never talked to me about it either. He avoided the subject like he was embarrassed. I could never have a serious conversation with him about it. I was always scared of saying the wrong thing and upsetting him. But now that pill was making me more neurotic. I couldn't contain myself.

He turned away from me without even answering.

"Brian!"

He didn't stop. He walked around the car. His action sparked an unpredictable reaction in me. I moved next to him and before he reached the card door, I pushed his back.

"Ari, what's wrong with you?"

"Why?" I shouted, exasperated.

"What?"

"You never can!"

"What are you saying?"

He knew perfectly well what I was talking about.

"You don't want me."

"It's not a good time to talk about this stuff. I gotta go home," he said calmly but resolutely.

"You never want to talk about it with me!"

Brian was already closed off and pretty averse to physical contact, but since his dad disappeared nearly a year ago, he'd gotten worse. He barely kissed me, but then he'd get possessive and jealous. I saw him look around as if he wanted to make sure nobody had heard me.

The alley was deserted. It was just us.

"Now what's your problem?"

"Do you think this works for me, Brian?"

"Would you prefer your boyfriend to jump on you?"

I looked down. "What if I did?"

"What are you saying, Ari? You're kidding, right?"

Brian had the ability to make me feel guilty every time I wanted to go further.

"Brian . . ."

"You've never complained, what's your problem?"

Normally this was when I'd apologize and everything would go back to the way it was. But not this time. "Well, I'm starting now. I'm sick of you." I turned around and left him there.