Love Me Love Me (English)

26

Ari

"Here, gorgeous."

I tried to pay, but the bartender waved my hand away. "First one's free," he said with a wink.

I smiled at him, grabbed the glass, and went back to my phone call.

"Fantastic. Now even that moron from Tropical is making a pass at my girlfriend." Brian's voice seemed more irritated than usual.

"Honey, come on."

I hated going out alone, so I'd convinced Brian to come with me.

"Ari, I can't. I've had a horrible day."

"I saw that. You barely said hi to me when you left the locker room. Did something happen?"

"What do you think?"

My heart started pounding. What did James tell him?

"I don't know . . ." My voice faltered.

"He sold that shit to you again." I started breathing again.

"How do you know?"

"It doesn't matter, Ari. I don't like when you get dragged into that stuff."

"Brian, I'm sorry."

"Forget it. I'll call you later."

He said goodbye brusquely. I was bewildered.

I went to the bathroom to check my makeup. My plan was to just to take a look in the mirror, but when I walked in, I found James hunched over a sink. The smell of disinfectant aggravated my nose. I noticed that he was holding a napkin in his fingers. The door closed behind me with such a bang that it made him turn around.

"Have you changed your mind?" he asked, taking a white strip off his recently disinfected phone screen.

"What are you doing here, James?"

"Want some?" he asked, pointing to the powder.

"Who was that girl who was all over you outside?"

"How the hell would I know?" he answered, his gaze slowly becoming increasingly vacant.

"So what are you doing here? Were you looking for me?"

"Absolutely not."

But who did I want to fool?

I stepped toward him. He did the same. He grabbed me by the hips.

"So long as I'm always ready for you, right?" he mumbled, tickling the hollow of my neck with his lips.

James wasn't Brian.

The edge of my dress crumpled quickly under his expert hands. I shouldn't've encouraged him to touch me; in fact I should've told him to stop.

"Ari, how can I resist you when you do this?"

I stretched out my legs as his knee made space between my thighs.

"Have you ever tried?" I smiled, even if I shouldn't've. There was nothing to smile about.

James was terrible. He never made me feel special. It didn't make any difference to him whether he was hooking up with me or any other girl. I knew he was with Tiffany during the entire summer, even though she was his girlfriend's best friend. I knew that he spent the night somewhere else every night, that sex was something that he took for granted, that he had to have his hands on at least two girls or he wouldn't even have any fun. James was unscrupulous and immoral, but damn it, he still made me feel desired.

"You're wasted," I groaned, looking at his dilated pupils.

He gave me a half-assed smile. At least he had an excuse. What was mine? His tongue was sharp when he talked to me but his lips became irresistible when he started kissing me, and I knew how it would end up when he squeezed me with his arms. I felt his hands on my body. They were already all over me, and I couldn't stop touching them.

No, not okay. I gotta stop.

I groaned when he flung me into a bathroom stall. I heard the door slam against our shoulders. He stopped kissing my neck to find a condom. Too quickly. This was all happening too soon after I'd told him goodbye.

He turned me around against the wall. Waves of boiling quivering rushed over my stomach and skin.

"James."

He continued leaving a trail of long kisses along the bare nape of my neck then lifted my dress and squeezed my ass, sending my lower stomach up in flames.

"Tell me what the fuck you want from me, Ari," he wheezed, out of breath.

I didn't have the courage to answer. I leaned my forehead against the wall, trying to understand what to do. But there wasn't much to understand. I wanted everything he was doing to me, nothing more.

Except I wanted it to be with the person I loved.

I turned around suddenly.

"We shouldn't see each other anymore. I think that's best for both of us." I blurted the words out quickly, as if it was a compelling need. The need to break this spell that I was under. That was my reason for saying it. If I didn't say it right then, I'd keep on making the same mistakes.

James stared at me speechless, as I adjusted my dress on my legs. I wasn't very convincing even to myself, but he still pushed the square packet back into his pocket.

I tried to push the dark lock of hair on his face away from him, but he moved away, almost disgusted.

"You really screwed me over." His words cut the air, causing me to snap out of it quickly. My head stopped spinning too.

"James."

His chest rose and fell under his gray hoodie. He was a little sweaty but always gorgeous.

"Say something," I begged.

"If he doesn't want you, I don't know what the fuck to tell you. But you have to quit driving me crazy," he murmured, throwing his head back.

"Me? This is my fault?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Why do you only call me when it's convenient for you?"

"Well, so do you," I retorted.

"I'm the one who calls you? Really, Ari?"

He was right. He never called me, but he wasn't innocent either. I wasn't like him.

"At least I only do it with you. You do it with everyone." I bit my tongue.

"It's a big risk with you, unlike the others. You wanna know why?"

"Are you talking about Brian?"

"He'll kill me if you tell him. You've seen that giant baseball-sized hole in his room? He'd bash my head into it."

"Do you think I'd tell him? He'd never forgive me! I don't want to lose him," I mumbled, welling up.

James rubbed his temples like he wanted to gather the concentration to face up to this conversation.

"Ari, don't cry. I didn't tell anyone," he said seriously, before coming closer to my face to push a lock of hair behind my ear.

"So how does Taylor know?" I asked between sobs. "Did you tell her?"

"I don't know, I—" Then his face contorted, a sign that something clicked for him. "For fuck's sake, that fucking bitch!" he cursed.

"James! Where are you going?"

"Don't come after me. We're done for good."