Love Me Love Me (English)

40

June

I spent around a half hour starting at the ceiling in my room.

William was inconsistent. He had continuous mood swings and as much as that could just be who he was, it was highly probable that I was screwing up somehow. Was I? It was probably, but from Will's end he didn't seem motivated to explain. He just disappeared.

Again.

He wasn't at school so after trying to text him a pathetic How are you? I stopped trying to reach out. There was a major possibility that he didn't like me that much, so why get my hopes up?

And the less he reached out, the less I thought about him.

My gut said not to throw in the towel because there was something behind all the radio silence, but what was it?

"Honey, heat up the pasta from yesterday. I'm going out to eat." There she was, heartless April who magically pounced on me with terms of endearment.

"With whom?"

I looked at the door where I saw my mom looking nicer than usual in a black pencil skirt and a blouse.

"Melissa. A former colleague."

Sure, Melissa. Melissa the forty-something guy who was father of the year.

"Mom, speaking of going out, have you and Jordan seen each other again?"

She blinked; her eyelashes curled with mascara.

"No, absolutely not. Why?"

"You'd tell me if there was something between you two, right?"

She adjusted her messy chignon, and her eyes lit up when she heard his name "June, it's just work. I told you," she answered curtly, fighting with the clasp of her bracelet.

"I'm not saying this out of selfishness—if you want to date someone, you're more than welcome to anyone except on Jordan Hunter."

"It's just a professional relationship. What are you worried about, June?"

I watched her come sit next to me.

"I know you haven't dated anyone since . . ." I fidgeted with the cuff on my sweatshirt.

"June."

Of course we didn't talk about it.

"I meant after dad."

"Men just ruin your life."

"Dad didn't ruin yours." I pursed my lips. I felt hurt by that unfortunate comment.

"June, I didn't mean that. It's just that I wouldn't be in the right headspace to get into a serious relationship right now anyway."

"How do you know when someone wants something serious?" She stared at me attentively.

"I'm asking for a friend," I said sarcastically as I sank into my shoulders, embarrassed by the fact that I was really asking for relationship advice from the woman who'd given birth to me.

"Well it's more complicated for adults, but in your case, you don't need a boyfriend. You don't need anyone. You have your whole life to waste time chasing after one, just enjoy being this age without forcing things." My mom never gave me a single piece of useful advice, but now that things were so confusing with William, I was even ready to listen to her perspective. Was I really that desperate?

"People fall in love a million times at your age, they suffer, they spend sleepless nights waiting for a text or phone call, until you find out an upsetting truth: what you felt wasn't love. It's not worth throwing yourself into a million new experiences that'll only waste your time and cost you your self-esteem."