ECLIPSE

II

Felix Navaryous

Brandon just deserved the blow. If only Archer and Colin didn't blocked the way, I could've beaten the hell out of him.

I opened the front door and the stench of alcohol and sweat greeted me. I went inside and when I passed the living room, I saw my drunkard dad sitting on one of the couch sleeping or unconscious while the television is running. Bottles of alcohol surrounds the place. I just shook my head and go straight to the terrace.

As I stepped out of the terrace, I inhaled the cool November air. I sat at the chair and I pulled out the box of cigarettes along with the lighter from the pocket of my jeans. I picked one stick, placed it in between my lips and lit it with the lighter. I inhaled then blew the smoke out of my mouth and closed my eyes.

I am still pissed of what happened. We lost the game that we practiced for months, we lost the game that we waited for a long time because it is our chance to get a scholarship. They all point fingers at me because of the failure. It's my fault, alright. I didn't passed the ball at the right time, I was too focused on aiming the other way. It isn't entirely my fault, the other team cheated. One of them bumped me on purpose then blocked my foot from running, causing me to fall on my chest. But still, it is my fault.

I don't blame Brandon's anger towards me. I understand the guy needed the scholarship desperately. His family can't provide him for college. But I couldn't help punching him in the face, I hate people who just won't shut up, I hate it when they repeat saying what I did wrong like a broken record as if it's a reminder that I should just disappear from this world.

Heck, I would've killed myself a long time ago if it weren't for mom. I made a promise to her.

I remembered her warm and vibrant voice singing me to sleep every night. Her warm smile and her warm hugs and kisses. Everytime when I'm in pain, scratched my knee from playing or was hurt emotionally, mom was there by my side to comfort me. She always tells me to be happy, she said the pain will pass. But, she's wrong. I will never be happy, not when she's gone. The pain will pass, sure, but there's always a scar.

She's the one who tells me to be happy but I never knew what she really felt. One day I just woke up and found out that mom killed herself. I blame dad for it, mom is unhappy with him and the only thing that keeps her living is me and yet she gave up. She left me.

Before she died, she made me promise.

“Felix, when you grow up you should be happy,” she said as she patted my head when I am about to sleep. “Do the things that you love, but don't ruin your life in the process. Despite the ups and downs, promise me that you won't give up.”

“Of course, mom. I'll be happy as long as we're together. Will you be there when I grow up, mom?” I remember what I said the very last night. What an innocent question, I never knew what's behind mom's eyes. I never knew she made me promise because she is giving up.

As an answer to my question, she just smiled. “Promise me, son.”

“Alright mom, I promise,” I yawned.

She kissed me on the forehead, “Good,” then she sang me to sleep.

“Sleep my child and peace attend thee,
All through the night
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night”

If only mom was alive. If only she's here with me, I wouldn't have to be in such pain, I wouldn't have to be dealing dad's drinking habits. It isn't even a habit anymore, it's a routine. He can't live a day without alcohol.

Ever since mom died, he never stop drinking, I never see him sober. Maybe the only time that I consider him as sober is when he has time to yell at me, the worse case is to throw me bottles.

When I was eight-years-old, we were already three years in this town. After mom died, me and dad moved to this town. My life is a mess, it is the time that dad is always angry, always yelling. I tried to take away all the alcoholic drinks, hid them away because I think it will make him sober and stop being a madman. But it turns out, he became more mad, almost insane, that I took all away his drinks. He threw one of the empty bottles of beer at me, I'm lucky enough to cover my face but not fast enough to cover the side of my forehead. The scar is still visible, leaving my left eyebrow with a cut.

I unconsciously touched the scar.

I thought about running away. Leave my dad, leave this town, and start a new life somewhere. Stop going to school and just find a job somewhere or if I am too desperate, I could just join rich gangs. But, that choice is letting my life even worse. I don't want to break my promise with mom. That's the only thing I have with her and I shouldn't lose it.

I inhaled from the cigarette and blew smoke. Smoking is a bad habit, just like drinking alcohol. But smoking eases the pain that I'm feeling, it is like my morphine. Doctors say smoking can cause any type of respiratory illness. How can I stop if it eases my pain?

For a few minutes, I just sat at the chair comfortably. Then I watched the sky slowly turning to bright orange as the sun is slowly setting in the west. I watched as the birds hurriedly fled to the trees with a loud churping and yet still pleasant sound. Then I watched the smoke from my cigarette slowly dying as I crushed its butt.

I let out a breath.

I just sat there then time just seems to run quickly and I realized it is dark and only the moon and stars keeps the skies from total darkness.

I look around until my eyes stopped at the girl who sat on the roof of her house. She somehow climbed up from her terrace with the help of the railings. Since our houses are too near, she's not too far away from me. She's facing the other way, which I can only see her back and can see her head facing slightly upwards, like she's admiring the moon.

It is her. The bright brown eyes that I saw earlier looking from the window is hers. This is not the first time that I saw her, we are neighbors since the time that we first moved in here. But I never saw her go out of her house, never saw her going to school. Apparently, this is the first time that I saw her outside windows.

I found myself observing her, she has mid-length black hair with waves at the ends. Her body is slim, almost the same as the body of models. She must adore the moon and stars because she remained sitting on the roof with her head facing slightly upwards.

I blinked two times and shook my head a bit aggressively. Why am I observing her, anyway?

I decided to go inside the house but when I stood up, the chair moved which created a sound. I suddenly looked up and saw the girl who's sitting on the roof turned her head to my direction.

Our eyes met. Her bright brown eyes is field with confusion. Her lips parted which it shows that she's a bit surprised.

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