The bell rang, but nobody moved. Nobody dared. At the front of Class 9A, Sanemi Shinazugawa stood, whiteboard marker in hand, eyes blazing like a storm about to obliterate the classroom.
Sanemi: “OPEN YOUR BOOKS. ALGEBRA. DOUBLE PERIOD. AND I SWEAR… IF ONE OF YOU FAILS, I WILL PERSONALLY HAUNT YOU UNTIL GRADUATION!”
Zenitsu: (whimpering) “DOUBLE PERIOD?! NOOO! I HAVEN’T EVEN SURVIVED ONE PERIOD BEFORE!”
Inosuke: (grinning maniacally) “PERFECT! TWO HOURS OF NUMBERS! I SHALL CRUSH THEM!”
Tanjiro: (nervously) “Uh… sensei… maybe we should… start slowly?”
Sanemi: (voice like thunder) “SLOWLY?! IN MY CLASS, SLOWLY IS DEATH! ALGEBRA IS WAR! AND YOU… YOU ARE UNARMED!”
Kanao: (calmly opening her notebook) “I… think I can keep up.”
Genya: (sweating, flipping through pages) “I… I’m doomed… isn’t this like… mental torture?”
Sanemi: (pointing at Genya) “MENTAL TORTURE?! NO, THIS IS REALITY, GENYA! MATH DOES NOT WAIT! YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM X AND Y!”
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Sanemi: “LET’S START SIMPLE. SOLVE FOR X: 3X + 5 = 20.”
Zenitsu: (scribbling furiously) “Uh… 3X + 5… 20… 3X = 15… X = 5?”
Sanemi: (snapping) “FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO ISN’T COMPLETELY USELESS!”
Zenitsu: (brightening) “I DID IT!”
Sanemi: “DON’T CELEBRATE YET. YOU’LL BREAK SOONER THAN YOU THINK!”
Tanjiro: (calmly) “X = 5, sensei. Straightforward, right?”
Sanemi: (gritting teeth) “KAMADO… TOO CALM. I HATE CALM. WHERE IS THE STRUGGLE, THE DESPAIR?!”
Genya: (trembling) “I… I got… 3X = 25… X = 8.3… maybe?”
Sanemi: (pointing, yelling) “WHAT IS THAT?! WHAT KIND OF MATH IS 8.3?! WHY CAN’T YOU DO SIMPLE ADDITION, GENYA?! YOU MATHLESS POTATO!”
Genya: (face red, muttering) “I… I tried…”
Sanemi: “TRIED? TRYING DOESN’T SAVE YOU FROM FAILURE! YOU THINK THIS IS PLAY? THIS IS ALGEBRA! THIS IS SUFFERING! THIS IS LIFE!”
Inosuke: (slamming desk) “I DON’T CARE ABOUT X! I WILL DESTROY X!”
Sanemi: (glaring) “DESTROY X?! DO YOU THINK I CARE IF YOU DESTROY X?! YOU WILL DESTROY YOUR FUTURE INSTEAD!”
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Sanemi: “NEXT! 2X – 7 = 9. SHOW ME YOUR SORROW!”
Zenitsu: (hesitant) “2X – 7 = 9… 2X = 16… X = 8?”
Sanemi: (glaring like lightning) “ZENITSU… FOR ONCE… YOU DID NOT IMMEDIATELY MESS UP. SURPRISING… BUT DON’T THINK THIS MAKES YOU SAFE!”
Tanjiro: (writing carefully) “X = 8. Correct, right?”
Sanemi: “KAMADO… AGAIN… TOO CLEAN, TOO PERFECT. WHERE IS THE STRUGGLE?! THE SWEAT? THE TEARS?!”
Genya: (scribbling numbers like a madman) “2X – 7… 2X = 15… X = 7.5? OH NO…”
Sanemi: (pointing, voice erupting) “GENYA! GENYA! GENYA! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I SCREAM AT YOU?! 7.5?! I GAVE YOU SIMPLE EQUATIONS, AND YOU MAKE FRACTIONS OUT OF MERCY?! YOU ABSOLUTE FAILURE!”
Genya: (covering face) “I… I’m sorry…”
Sanemi: “SORRY DOES NOT SOLVE EQUATIONS! SORRY DOES NOT SAVE YOU FROM FAILURE! SORRY IS FOR THE WEAK! I WILL TEACH YOU THE MEANING OF PAIN!”
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Sanemi: “ALRIGHT. LET’S COMBINE LIKE TERMS. 5X + 3X – 7 = 20.”
Zenitsu: (hesitant) “Uh… 5X + 3X = 8X… 8X – 7 = 20… 8X = 27… X = 3.375?”
Sanemi: (gritting teeth) “ZENITSU… HOW DID YOU SURVIVE THIS LONG?! YOU ARE A MIRACLE… AND YET, YOU STILL SHAKE LIKE A LEAF!”
Tanjiro: (writing carefully) “X = 27/8… which is 3.375. Right, sensei?”
Sanemi: (gritting teeth harder) “TOO PRECISE… TOO NEAT… I HATE THIS CALMNESS! I WANT PANIC, SWEAT, AND TEARS!”
Genya: (face pale) “8X = 26… X = 3.25… I… I miscalculated again…”
Sanemi: (pointing like a sword) “GENYA! THIS IS NOT AN OPTION! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO ALGEBRA! A MATHLESS POTATO! EVERY NUMBER MOCKS YOU!”
Inosuke: (yelling) “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! X IS EVIL!”
Sanemi: “GOOD! FEEL THE PAIN! EMBRACE THE SUFFERING! THIS IS MATHEMATICS!”
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Sanemi: “NOW… SOLVE: 4(X – 2) + 3 = 15. NO MISTAKES!”
Zenitsu: (sweating) “4(X – 2) + 3 = 15… 4X – 8 + 3 = 15… 4X – 5 = 15… 4X = 20… X = 5!”
Sanemi: (nodding slowly) “ZENITSU… FINALLY… SOME COMPETENCE… BUT DON’T SMILE! I HATE SMILES IN MY CLASS!”
Tanjiro: (writing) “X = 5. Straightforward.”
Sanemi: “KAMADO… STILL TOO PERFECT! TOO STEADY! THIS CALMNESS WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL!”
Genya: (pale, trembling) “4X – 8 + 3 = 14… X = 4.75?”
Sanemi: (shouting from the front) “GENYA! 14?! I SAID 15! ARE YOU TRYING TO DIE SLOWLY IN MATH?! A MATHLESS, USELESS…!”
Genya: (muffled under desk) “I… I hate algebra…”
Inosuke: “I AM READY TO FIGHT THE EQUATION ITSELF!”
Sanemi: “YES! FIGHT IT! AND FAIL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!”
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Sanemi: “LET’S RAISE THE STAKES. SOLVE: 2(3X – 4) + 5X = 27.”
Zenitsu: (panicking) “2(3X – 4)… 6X – 8 + 5X = 27… 11X – 8 = 27… 11X = 35… X = 35/11?”
Sanemi: (slams fist) “ZENITSU… I DIDN’T THINK YOU COULD SURVIVE THIS LONG! YOU ARE A MIRACLE, A SHAKING, PANICKING MIRACLE!”
Tanjiro: “X = 35/11. Sensei, that’s correct?”
Sanemi: “YES! BUT CALMNESS WILL KILL YOU SOON…!”
Genya: (desperately scribbling) “6X – 8 + 5X = 26… X = 26/11… NOOO…”
Sanemi: (pointing and roaring) “GENYA! 26?! ARE YOU TRYING TO EMBARRASS YOUR FAMILY?! YOU… MATHLESS… POTATO OF INFINITE FAILURE!”
Inosuke: “X IS TOO STRONG! I MUST DESTROY IT!”
Sanemi: “YES! FIGHT! WEEP! FAIL! FEEL THE SUFFERING OF ALGEBRA!”
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Zenitsu: (whimpering) “I… I can do this… maybe…”
Tanjiro: (steady) “We just need focus…”
Genya: (covering face) “I’m never looking at numbers again…”
Sanemi: “CLASS 9A! THIS IS HELL! BUT THIS IS REALITY! ALGEBRA WILL TEACH YOU DISCIPLINE… AND THE PAIN OF FAILURE! REMEMBER TODAY, FOR I AM YOUR TERROR!”
The bell rang for the end of the double period. Students stumbled out, pale and shaking. Zenitsu survived with minor trauma. Tanjiro remained calm, as usual. Genya slumped, muttering insults directed at himself under his breath. Inosuke still roared about “destroying X,” while Sanemi glared at the empty classroom, breathing heavily like a hurricane that had passed through.
Class 9A had survived algebra… barely. Genya, still scarred, swore never to miscalculate again. Zenitsu learned… some miracles exist. Inosuke believed he could conquer all equations with brute force. Tanjiro simply walked out, notebook in hand, algebra-perfect and unshaken. And somewhere in the hallway, the echoes of Sanemi’s wrath promised that math would return tomorrow, fiercer than ever.
YOU ARE READING
KIMETSU ACADEMY
Humorthis contains made up variations of Kimetsu Gakeun. Filled with High school chaos that will send you rolling on the floor. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK OR YOU MIGHT DIE FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD!!!
