A/N: This Episode is named: The Model Student and His Terrifyingly Polite Mother.
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Morning — The Staff Room of Kimetsu Academy
(The staff room is oddly quiet. Gyomei’s sniffles echo faintly. Tengen polishes a mirror; Goto is half-dead on his desk; Tomioka just sits silently by the window, staring out at nothing.)
Gyomei: sniffles …Today, we honor the bond between teacher and parent… sniff truly divine…
Rengoku: slams hand on desk EXCELLENT SENTIMENT, GYOMEI-SENSEI! BONDS ARE THE SOUL OF EDUCATION!
Sanemi: Yeah, sure. Until those bonds produce another Zenitsu.
Goto: (groans) I’m not paid enough for this.
Tomioka: (quietly) You’re not paid at all.
(Everyone jumps. They forgot he existed.)
Tengen: OI! TOMIOKA-SENSEI SPOKE! MARK THE CALENDAR, EVERYONE!
Akaza: laughs Bro, I thought he was a statue!
Obanai: (deadpan) He prefers the term “emotionally minimalist.”
Kyogai: drums softly Doko… doko… (translation: “ominous silence intensifies.”)
Kanae: (smiling sweetly) Let’s all try to make a good impression today, okay?
(All eyes shift to Sanemi and Akaza. They pretend not to notice.)
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The Arrival of Mrs. Kamado
(The staff room door opens. Mrs. Kamado walks in, calm and elegant, bowing politely. Every teacher straightens like soldiers.)
Gyomei: tears already streaming SUCH GENTLE KINDNESS… SUCH MATERNAL WARMTH… sniff
Mrs. Kamado: (bows) Thank you, Gyomei-sensei.
Rengoku: TANJIRO KAMADO! EXEMPLARY PERFORMANCE IN HISTORY! I NEARLY BURST INTO FLAMES OF PRIDE!
Mrs. Kamado: (smiling) Thank you, Rengoku-sensei. He truly loves your lessons.
Rengoku: booming laughter AH-HA-HA! HONOR AND FIRE RUN IN HIS BLOOD!
Akaza: Kid’s strong — mentally and physically. Great balance in lab work. Could take a punch.
Mrs. Kamado: (gently) I’d rather he didn’t have to take any.
Akaza: (nervous laugh) Uh— yes ma’am. Fair point.
Sanemi: (grumbling) He’s too good. Makes Genya look like a calculator without batteries.
Goto: (without looking up) You mean a calculator you’ve smashed 18 times.
Mrs. Kamado: (smiles politely) I’m sure you’re very patient with him.
Sanemi: (voice cracks) …Yes ma’am. Very.
(A shiver runs through the room. The power of “Mom Voice” is unmatched.)
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Subject Feedback Marathon
Obanai: (adjusts glasses) Chemistry: precise, organized, and… suspiciously neat. I respect it.
Kanae: His biology drawings were delightful! He even wrote “thank you” under the microscope sketch. Such manners!
Tengen: His art lacked flashiness but had heart! No glitter, but emotional depth! I cried inside.
Kyogai: His rhythm was steady. He feels sound. Few do.
Haganezuka: His stitching was straight! Do you know how rare that is?!
Goto: His essays are grammatically divine. He actually uses commas properly. My soul felt peace for the first time in years.
Gyomei: sniff Such virtue! Such humility! sniff sniff
(Everyone collectively sighs in approval… until they notice a silent figure at the corner.)
Tengen: Wait… where’s Tomioka-sensei’s feedback?
(All heads turn. Tomioka sits motionless, holding a single paper.)
Mrs. Kamado: (smiling kindly) Oh, Tomioka-sensei. How was he in P.E.?
(Five seconds of silence. Everyone holds their breath.)
Tomioka: …He ran.
(Silence.)
Tengen: THAT’S IT?!
Tomioka: …He ran well.
Rengoku: slams desk A TRUE ATHLETE OF THE HEART!
Goto: (mutters) Translation: “He survived Tomioka-sensei’s deathly jogging drills.”
(Mrs. Kamado bows, somehow understanding the minimalist language of the Physical Education teacher perfectly.)
Mrs. Kamado: Thank you. I’ll tell him you appreciated his efforts.
Tomioka: (nods once) Good.
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Homeroom Discussion
Gyomei: sniffling He leads his classmates with compassion… such a shining example of empathy!
Rengoku: A MONITOR OF HONOR!
Sanemi: Yeah yeah. He’s so perfect it’s annoying.
Mrs. Kamado: (smiling) I’m sure your brother will find his way too, Shinazugawa-sensei. Perhaps… gently?
Sanemi: (visibly sweating) …Y-yes ma’am.
Goto: (quietly) He’s shaking. She broke him.
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Staff Room Aftermath
Tengen: THAT WOMAN’S A LEGEND! EVEN SANEMI LOST HIS TEMPERING!
Rengoku: HER DIGNITY SHINES LIKE THE SUN!
Gyomei: bawling SO MUCH GRACE… SO MUCH LOVE…!
Goto: (sighs) Can we all agree she’s scarier than the principal?
Tomioka: (flat) …Yes.
(Everyone blinks. Tomioka agreed. The apocalypse is near.)
Sanemi: (glaring) Don’t. Say. “Gentle.” Ever. Again.
Akaza: (grinning) Bro, she just wiped your HP bar.
Tengen: I’M CALLING HER “FLASHY MOM.”
Kyogai: soft doko drumbeat …Her aura lingers.
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“NEXT EPISODE: THE SHINAZUGAWA SHOWDOWN — SANEMI MEETS HIS OWN REPORT CARD (AND HIS OWN REGRET)”
YOU ARE READING
KIMETSU ACADEMY
Humorthis contains made up variations of Kimetsu Gakeun. Filled with High school chaos that will send you rolling on the floor. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK OR YOU MIGHT DIE FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD!!!
